love

It's been a long time internet. So much to say, so much to express.

I'm sitting in a plane high over the mountains in Utah/Colorado ... looking like we're on the approach to the Rockies. The mountains are dusted with snow that fades into fine powder over the valley floors. It looks like someone opened a big bag of flour and spilled it all over everything. I especially love how the light is hitting all the ravines reaching into the valley floor. I can't help but wonder what all the people do in the small towns below, nestled up against a mountain range or out in the desert plains. Everything looks so far apart compared to the endless masses of houses and people near larger cities.

I've been thinking how I have been wanting to find a mountain to climb and yell about the love I feel right now, and it occurs to me that being in this plane, flying high above all the mountains is a much better height to share my thoughts from ...

So world ... I'm in love. Truly, madly, deeply. Her name is Ami (that's pronounced: Ah-me .... NOT Amy!!) and I love her like no other. I find it particularly difficult to put words around these feelings as they seem to contain and restrict the true emotion. But ... I'll try. :)

When I am with her, I can't stop looking into her eyes. It's a place of peace, of wonder, of joy. She welcomes every piece of me and accepts it all. She is so amazingly beautiful and intelligent and keen and open and adorable and intuitive and sexy. Her laughter lightens my being, relaxes me, causes me to expand. Her life is so naturally aimed toward possibility and she inspires just about everyone she touches. She is one of those people that people are magnetically drawn to. Just today at the bank, when I was done with my transactions, I found her sitting up front in such a friendly and joyful conversation with the security guard. I love that about her. I love that she went out and found me a silly video game for my travels called Steer Madness where you are this cow who is on some kind of mission to get out of being made a hamburger, who shacks up with a Vegan woman and avoids getting hit by the Tofu truck. I love how patient she is with me. How well she takes care of others, how much she loves. Her heart is infinite. I love her dedication to making this world a better place. I love her passion for sharing her love with the world.

(Oh my god, the world below is so beautiful right now. Desert valleys erupting in cliffs striped with altering bands of light and dark layers with winding ravines and rivers meandering through the masses of rock and earth).

I get so lost in her eyes. The world just kind of fades away. It's such a new feeling for me. I was talking with Sarah last week about it and we talked about how each time you fall in love, it's a different experience. I feel so much more whole in this. Able to bring more of myself and be so much more accepting of myself and her. All of this identity work in my leadership training program has allowed me to see more of how I can love her wholeness and not certain aspects of her and how I can love her from my entire being as opposed to some piece of me that is looking to have some need met. This love feels so much bigger that all that and I find, because of that, I feel no urgency or that this needs to look any particular way. And though I am attached to having her around, there doesn't seem to be any feeling of that being an unhealthy clinging ... merely a desire to be with her when I can and how I can. There's a lot of freedom in that and that freedom expands my love.

And it is "us" that makes that possible ... and whatever it is about the combination of Ami and Jason that makes it possible is so precious.

And so I say it from 30,000 feet above the earth so my joy and expansiveness and love can reach as far as possible.

This one is for you Ami ... I love you and I am so excited to have you in my life ... to explore with, to laugh with, to trust, to love, to surrender to.

Thank you for all you have given me just by being you.

this is now a week or more old ...

holy crap - it's almost been a month since my last posting. (wait that sounds like the beginning of a confession ..)

forgive me internet, for I have sinned.
it's been a month since my last confession.

since last time i have:

finished my 3rd semester of grad school
started a year-long leadership intensive training program
continued to fall in love with this amazing woman i'll call: ami
decided to teach myself how to write left-handed out of sheer curiosity to see if and how it affects the way i think
eaten far too many cookies
been to the gym far less than planned
eaten and drank health concoctions made by a witch doctor (which doctor?)
dismantled my identities (ouch!)
and got an 'A' on an exam i didn't take*

*so, last week my class comes into take our final exam and before getting started, our professor (and my boss at my internship) starts talking to us about how much he has enjoyed the class and how we have impressed him more than any other in regards to the amount of effort we've put in and the quality of the work we've produced. he also explained that he has made every decision around the class in order to maximize our learning. then he said, "and, that being said, you've learned everything you are going to learn in this class, so there is really no point in giving you the exam since it will not teach you anything. so, i'm giving you all an 'A' on the exam and, unless you have any questions, you're free to go."

then the 11 of us picked our jaws up off the floor and took him out for a beer.

that's one of those dream situations that you always WANT to happen and think never in a million years would happen. well, i'm happy to say ... it did!


(and i never really finished writing this ... so there.