2006

i have big intentions for this year. this is the year that i take away layers upon layers of restriction ... in thoughts, in actions, in dreams ...

i feel so excited for who i am, full of love for myself and am going to set a course for more freedom and liberation from all the ways that i hold myself back and cloud my belief in myself. it's scary too. it feels like a big risk, but the fact of the matter is, it's more of a risk to hold myself back, to keep myself from even dreaming of what i want.

that's a relatively foreign concept to me ... what i want. i'm looking forward to learning more about that and being willing to make difficult choices to support that.

i feel like it's already begun. the testing of my will. the first two days of 2006 have not been easy, they have been emotionally chaotic. and it's gratifying to know that my willingness to stay open to it all and experience it ... to resist shutting down and closing off ... has enabled openings that were unexpected.

i have so much to be thankful for ... the people in my life who inspire me and teach me, the choices i have made to seek more out of life, the fear i have faced to experience all of the dimensions of love ...

i'm excited and i'm scared ... and i'm willing to take it all on as best i can ... with experience as the goal and life as the reward.

to begin ... i'm going to take a nice hot shower!

kaya

i found out this morning that kaya, one of my favorite dogs in the world, has passed on.

she's been sick since this summer and was finally diagnosed with cancer this fall. after treatment failed to help, she was put to sleep on december 26. i understand that in the days before, she enjoyed many a meal of turkey, bacon, peanut butter, chicken and tuna ... what every dog deserves.

my heart is so heavy. i will miss her so much.

kaya ... i hope that wherever you are now, you have beaches and fields filled with fun things to chase and big comfy warm places to sleep and mounds of people food to eat.

i love you you little shedding ball of slobber.