okay, just back from my first day of classes ... and i am happy to report that there is an aspect of school that i kinda forgot about.
there was this phenomenon at Boston University, let's call it "the awakening", that happened every spring on the first warm, sunny day of the season. the phenomenon was ... people. all of a sudden, the campus would be swarmed with five times as many students walking around campus - chillin' on lawns, playing frisbee, talking to friends, etc.
where the hell had they been? where did everyone come from? did cloning get developed and no one told me about it (because it would be really great to have extra 'me's to go to class for me)?
what's more ... short skirts and tank tops. it was like Comm Ave. became a fashion show and there were no shortage of attractive people to walk the runway. lots and lots of attractive, mobile hormones. it was sublime.
today ... was a little like that. swarms of young, attractive people milling about campus, strutting their hormones around, bearing their genes for the opposite sex (or same sex, whatever). and i was there with them. glorious, glorious day.
that is, of course, 'til the reality of just how much work i'm going to be doing set in. oh deary me, what did i get myself into?
ugh. and yea!
Thursday, August 26, 2004
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
first contact
i just got home from my first contact with many of the people in my new school program. the professors and the second year students pulled together a potluck get-together. i'm really glad i made it back in time to go to this. it was a treat to meet other students in my program (there are 11 total) and to meet and get advice from 2nd years and recent graduates. it was also good to do this with food and booze.
i'm much more excited now for the semester. everyone i met seems like 'good people' and it looks like we'll have some fun together. and i feel like i learned a lot more about the program tonight which is helpful.
classes start on thursday. it's going to be great to be in a formal learning structure again. remind me of this when exam time comes.
i'm much more excited now for the semester. everyone i met seems like 'good people' and it looks like we'll have some fun together. and i feel like i learned a lot more about the program tonight which is helpful.
classes start on thursday. it's going to be great to be in a formal learning structure again. remind me of this when exam time comes.
Monday, August 23, 2004
i totally fucking rock
this trip taught me something about myself. i totally fucking rock. i just faced, like, a bunch of my fears and shot every one of them down. i followed my instincts and everytime they lead me to wonderful gems. i feel pretty alive right now and that has everything to do with feeling capable and in charge of my life.
this decision to go to school finally hit me this weekend. it had been, until recently ... just another thing i'm doing. and in many ways it is. but what i didn't get before is that it is a step in utter defiance of complacency. it's taking charge. it's saying that my life wasn't fulfilling me and that i choose to change that. action. and after this weekend i trust that i made the right decision. i still feel a strong pull to be a therapist, but there's something stonger telling me to wait for that ... and it's not fear. it's an instinct and i relearned to trust those instincts this weekend. my new practice is to provide quiet reflective space in my life so that i can clearly listen to these instincts. i fill my life so much that i lose true alone time that is dedicated to me (usually my alone time is dedicated to working on any number of projects i am involved in). which leads me to the first fear i challenged on this trip:
the fear of being alone.
now, i've done the alone thing before. i do it well. but the more i am surrounded by a large, loving community, the more i forget how to be alone. i met a lot of internal resistance in the evenings while i was camping to the thought of being alone for hours in the dark with nothing to do. turns out, this is a wonderful thing. some of my favorite hours were spent staring into a fire, lost in thought.
the fear of isolation.
about two years ago i started having panic attacks when i was camping or anywhere far from civilization. the attacks usually manifested in the form of waking up in the middle of the night, claustrophobic, sweating and shaking uncontrollably, afraid i was going to need medical attention and there was no way to get help due to the isolation. this, while my head attempted to reason with my body telling it that everything was okay. it usually lasted anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour plus. it's even happened at some places i know well with a few hundred other people around. needless to say, i haven't looked forward to the nighttime when i go camping.
knowing this, i was certainly fearful of having episodes on this trip. i am happy to report that i didn't have any at all. i did wake up on the last night not knowing where the hell i was, but that sorted itself out quickly enough as i bonked my head on the flashlight hanging from the ceiling of my tent.
the fear of making the wrong choice.
i also tend to not be a decision-maker in my life because i don't want to be responsible for anyone else being let down by my decisions. this is paralyzing. it's affected my career, it's affected relationships i've been in, it's affected everything i do. i give up my power in order to avoid making mistakes. well, i'm done with that. during this trip, i learned that my instincts are accurate and all i need to do is listen to them and follow them. again and again they lead me to the right place on my vacation. i know from past experiences how holding back from these instincts damages my life and how others can feel when i am not living my truth. this was just another good lesson to remind me of that and good solid proof to show me that i can trust myself.
the fear of not being able to take care of myself.
see above. once again, i realized that i take care of myself just fine. i forget that for some stupid reason. somehow i forget that the fact that i have a place to live, food to eat, people who love me, people i love and stupid toys to play with are not a "given" ... that i have made this life for myself ... that i continue to make this life for myself. it's important to remember that the decisions you make matter and that living an active (rather than passive) life is a choice.
okay, i'm sounding preachy now, but that's just what i re-learned on this trip.
i totally fucking rock.
this decision to go to school finally hit me this weekend. it had been, until recently ... just another thing i'm doing. and in many ways it is. but what i didn't get before is that it is a step in utter defiance of complacency. it's taking charge. it's saying that my life wasn't fulfilling me and that i choose to change that. action. and after this weekend i trust that i made the right decision. i still feel a strong pull to be a therapist, but there's something stonger telling me to wait for that ... and it's not fear. it's an instinct and i relearned to trust those instincts this weekend. my new practice is to provide quiet reflective space in my life so that i can clearly listen to these instincts. i fill my life so much that i lose true alone time that is dedicated to me (usually my alone time is dedicated to working on any number of projects i am involved in). which leads me to the first fear i challenged on this trip:
the fear of being alone.
now, i've done the alone thing before. i do it well. but the more i am surrounded by a large, loving community, the more i forget how to be alone. i met a lot of internal resistance in the evenings while i was camping to the thought of being alone for hours in the dark with nothing to do. turns out, this is a wonderful thing. some of my favorite hours were spent staring into a fire, lost in thought.
the fear of isolation.
about two years ago i started having panic attacks when i was camping or anywhere far from civilization. the attacks usually manifested in the form of waking up in the middle of the night, claustrophobic, sweating and shaking uncontrollably, afraid i was going to need medical attention and there was no way to get help due to the isolation. this, while my head attempted to reason with my body telling it that everything was okay. it usually lasted anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour plus. it's even happened at some places i know well with a few hundred other people around. needless to say, i haven't looked forward to the nighttime when i go camping.
knowing this, i was certainly fearful of having episodes on this trip. i am happy to report that i didn't have any at all. i did wake up on the last night not knowing where the hell i was, but that sorted itself out quickly enough as i bonked my head on the flashlight hanging from the ceiling of my tent.
the fear of making the wrong choice.
i also tend to not be a decision-maker in my life because i don't want to be responsible for anyone else being let down by my decisions. this is paralyzing. it's affected my career, it's affected relationships i've been in, it's affected everything i do. i give up my power in order to avoid making mistakes. well, i'm done with that. during this trip, i learned that my instincts are accurate and all i need to do is listen to them and follow them. again and again they lead me to the right place on my vacation. i know from past experiences how holding back from these instincts damages my life and how others can feel when i am not living my truth. this was just another good lesson to remind me of that and good solid proof to show me that i can trust myself.
the fear of not being able to take care of myself.
see above. once again, i realized that i take care of myself just fine. i forget that for some stupid reason. somehow i forget that the fact that i have a place to live, food to eat, people who love me, people i love and stupid toys to play with are not a "given" ... that i have made this life for myself ... that i continue to make this life for myself. it's important to remember that the decisions you make matter and that living an active (rather than passive) life is a choice.
okay, i'm sounding preachy now, but that's just what i re-learned on this trip.
i totally fucking rock.
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
orcas island
i have three things to say about my trip to orcas island. no wait, four.
the first two are somewhat banal, so i'll get them out of the way. first is that orcas brought me my first viewing of a bald eagle in its natural habitat. these birds are just so beautiful. i don't know if it has anything to do with being force fed images of bald eagles my whole life or if it's just that they are so amazing. i guess i've always had a thing for large predatory birds (no, not that kind of thing!). this bird was flying around a mountain lake from tree to tree while looking for fish. it had an impressive wing span of about 5 feet or more and the sound of it's wings beating echoed across the stillness of the lake. i was enraptured. it felt like an honor to watch.
second was simply the view of all the san juan islands, the olympic mountains and mt. baker from the top of orcas island. i probably sat up there for hours watching the fog roll in in the evenings and burn off in the mornings. it was one of my favorite places on the trip ... but then i always liked sweeping views from above.
okay, now the good stuff ...
the proposal
i was on the ferry on the way to orcas island, sitting inside on the top deck looking out at the islands as we sailed to our destination. there weren't too many people outside on the outer deck of the ship, but there was this one couple who were in my peripheral vision. he was wearing a navy blue jacket, blue jeans, sneakers and a red baseball cap and had that city hipster look about him. she had thick curly brown hair and was wearing some comfortable hiker clothes and looked like a maturing ex-hippy. they were both probably in their mid-twenties.
as i was staring out the window i noticed the guy kneel down on one knee and look up at her nervously. he then withdrew a small black box from his jacket and her eyes lit up in shock and disbelief as he revealed the ring inside. they didn't move for what felt like minutes, but then he stood up and they exchanged some words and her shock became smiling and giggling and shyness and she just kept covering her mouth and stepping back and forth. he was very rigid and nervous and leaned in for a couple of awkward kisses, missing a few times and connecting with an eye or nose.
after a few more minutes like this, they settled out of the nervousness a bit and i watched them slow and gaze into each others eyes, i could see from her eyes just how totally in love she was with him. he relaxed as well and when they kissed, they connected which, of course, was followed by more jubilant laughing and squirming. then, they started to become aware of the other people around them and got a little more shy about it all and sat on a bench to call their parents. i think, though, that i was the only person aware of what was going on. everyone else seemed too wrapped up in what they were doing.
i planned on finding them when the boat docked to say congratulations and to thank them for inadvertantly allowing me to witness their engagement, but i couldn't find them. for me, it was the highlight of my day and i wish them a long and happy marriage.
defeated
on my second day on the island, i decided to do some moutain biking. several of the trails were not open for biking because it was high season on the island and the park service didn't want hikers and bikers colliding on trails in the middle of nowhere, because, really .. that's just a mess to clean up.
so what was available was a collection of trails in the southern portion of the park that were less frequented by ... anyone! after riding some of the more accessible trails, i decided to embark on this longer, more remote journey. i like a challenge. much to my chagrin, i quickly learned why no one hikes these trails. i began on a pleasant dirt trail in some sparsely populated woods and soon found myself going further and futher downhill, through impossible switchbacks and rooted paths ... next thing i know i'm careening through spiky plants and nettles and boucing over rocks and roots that were viturally invisible due to the trail being so overgrown. at one point, i stop to figure out where the hell i am and look down to find this giant spider on my chest just kinda looking up at me like, "HEY buddy! I spent all night on that web! Fuck you!" ... but before i could translate its sinister look, i did the sissy dance and wiped him the hell off of me!
then i noticed just how torn up i was from all the thorns and such. eventually, i found the bottom of the trail and rode haphazardly over hill and dale to finally encounter that which i was most worried about ... the trail back up.
now whoever thought this was a good biking trail was certainly on crack. i don't care if you are the lance armstrong of mountiain biking, but you can't ride up a 70 degree angle trail covered in roots, loose boulders and looser dirt. it's just not fun. so, i relented ... sweaty, smelly, bruised and bloody ... to walking the mile or so uphill back to the lake where i flopped down with no grace whatsoever and sighed a sigh of defeat.
damn you orcas island! damn you all to hell!!
the first two are somewhat banal, so i'll get them out of the way. first is that orcas brought me my first viewing of a bald eagle in its natural habitat. these birds are just so beautiful. i don't know if it has anything to do with being force fed images of bald eagles my whole life or if it's just that they are so amazing. i guess i've always had a thing for large predatory birds (no, not that kind of thing!). this bird was flying around a mountain lake from tree to tree while looking for fish. it had an impressive wing span of about 5 feet or more and the sound of it's wings beating echoed across the stillness of the lake. i was enraptured. it felt like an honor to watch.
second was simply the view of all the san juan islands, the olympic mountains and mt. baker from the top of orcas island. i probably sat up there for hours watching the fog roll in in the evenings and burn off in the mornings. it was one of my favorite places on the trip ... but then i always liked sweeping views from above.
okay, now the good stuff ...
the proposal
i was on the ferry on the way to orcas island, sitting inside on the top deck looking out at the islands as we sailed to our destination. there weren't too many people outside on the outer deck of the ship, but there was this one couple who were in my peripheral vision. he was wearing a navy blue jacket, blue jeans, sneakers and a red baseball cap and had that city hipster look about him. she had thick curly brown hair and was wearing some comfortable hiker clothes and looked like a maturing ex-hippy. they were both probably in their mid-twenties.
as i was staring out the window i noticed the guy kneel down on one knee and look up at her nervously. he then withdrew a small black box from his jacket and her eyes lit up in shock and disbelief as he revealed the ring inside. they didn't move for what felt like minutes, but then he stood up and they exchanged some words and her shock became smiling and giggling and shyness and she just kept covering her mouth and stepping back and forth. he was very rigid and nervous and leaned in for a couple of awkward kisses, missing a few times and connecting with an eye or nose.
after a few more minutes like this, they settled out of the nervousness a bit and i watched them slow and gaze into each others eyes, i could see from her eyes just how totally in love she was with him. he relaxed as well and when they kissed, they connected which, of course, was followed by more jubilant laughing and squirming. then, they started to become aware of the other people around them and got a little more shy about it all and sat on a bench to call their parents. i think, though, that i was the only person aware of what was going on. everyone else seemed too wrapped up in what they were doing.
i planned on finding them when the boat docked to say congratulations and to thank them for inadvertantly allowing me to witness their engagement, but i couldn't find them. for me, it was the highlight of my day and i wish them a long and happy marriage.
defeated
on my second day on the island, i decided to do some moutain biking. several of the trails were not open for biking because it was high season on the island and the park service didn't want hikers and bikers colliding on trails in the middle of nowhere, because, really .. that's just a mess to clean up.
so what was available was a collection of trails in the southern portion of the park that were less frequented by ... anyone! after riding some of the more accessible trails, i decided to embark on this longer, more remote journey. i like a challenge. much to my chagrin, i quickly learned why no one hikes these trails. i began on a pleasant dirt trail in some sparsely populated woods and soon found myself going further and futher downhill, through impossible switchbacks and rooted paths ... next thing i know i'm careening through spiky plants and nettles and boucing over rocks and roots that were viturally invisible due to the trail being so overgrown. at one point, i stop to figure out where the hell i am and look down to find this giant spider on my chest just kinda looking up at me like, "HEY buddy! I spent all night on that web! Fuck you!" ... but before i could translate its sinister look, i did the sissy dance and wiped him the hell off of me!
then i noticed just how torn up i was from all the thorns and such. eventually, i found the bottom of the trail and rode haphazardly over hill and dale to finally encounter that which i was most worried about ... the trail back up.
now whoever thought this was a good biking trail was certainly on crack. i don't care if you are the lance armstrong of mountiain biking, but you can't ride up a 70 degree angle trail covered in roots, loose boulders and looser dirt. it's just not fun. so, i relented ... sweaty, smelly, bruised and bloody ... to walking the mile or so uphill back to the lake where i flopped down with no grace whatsoever and sighed a sigh of defeat.
damn you orcas island! damn you all to hell!!
Sunday, August 15, 2004
the northern cascades
i spent a couple days up in the northern cascade mountains.
let me reprint for you my journal entry for that day. it goes:
"Dear god, you kick ass"
rachel's uncle Cal was kind enough to loan me his cabin just outside the park boundaries. it's more like a modified pre-fab tool shed, but with a stove, fridge and microwave! it did the trick. it's right next to a small creek which was the perfect location for breakfasts and dinners. i sat on the rocks next to the water looking up at the mountain peaks while chomping away on my cereal or pasta. i don't need anymore cereal or pasta for awhile ... or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for that matter. (it would be interesting to know, however, just how many thousands of PB&J sandwiches I've eaten in my lifetime. i'm actually surprised at this point that i haven't, as my mom used to promise, turned into a giant peanut butter and jelly sandwich. a guy can dream, can't he?).
the best day by far was my hike to the cascade pass. the trailhead started about 20 miles down this dirt road, winding it's way into a valley carved out by glaciers. the hike (about 10 miles round trip) wasn't too difficult, but involved a 3,000 foot climb in switchbacks and skree fields. i encountered my first marmot on the trip. i actually didn't know what it was ... it was bigger than a beaver and it squeeked. it scampered around some large boulders just to the side of the skree field squeeking as it hopped. not very intimidated by this behavior, i tried to get closer to snap a photo, but i think he was on to my not-so-wiley ways. i encouraged the little beast that i wasn't going to hurt him, but he didn't seem to believe me. i did learn, however, that marmots do not respond to "here kitty, kitty, kitty". it was worth a shot.
(it was later, in the park ranger office that i learned it was a marmot. by the way, why didn't anyone tell me that the pacific northwest has all the cute park rangers? i swear everywhere i went, the park rangers were young attractive women ... where did all the nice, dorky old men go? not that i'm complaining.)
the hike proved to be stellar. the moutains are capped with glaciers and were still mostly covered in snow despite the lateness of the season. i hiked an extra peak to get a look at 'doubtful lake' in the basin of some of the mountains. waterfalls from the melting snow ran into the lake on several sides and the icy blue water reflected the clouds moving in from the north. i wanted to jump in, but i made that mistake in new zealand several years ago where i learned the true meaning of the phrase "takes your breath away". my testicles didn't descend for days. [hint: glacier fed lakes are not "refreshing"].
even while on the mountain, it was difficult to grasp the enormity of the earth i had just climbed. the grand canyon is like that ... you stand at the edge and slowly, very slowly, you start to take in the details of the canyon going deeper and deeper and you start to get just how immense that crack in the ground really is. the cascades were like that.
the next day i was thwarted by rock slides which closed down most of the road inside the park. the slides had trapped 65 people the night before who had to be evacuated on the east side of the park. the only way back to the west was a 10 hour detour road that went around the southern part of the mountain range. i'm very glad that wasn't me.
instead i drove around as much as i could and listened to Peter Gabriel's 'Passion' which, by the way, is very good scenic driving music.
my legs were pretty beat from the hike the day before, so in the end, i just decided to take off early for orcas island.
next on j.blog: proposals and bloody knees!
let me reprint for you my journal entry for that day. it goes:
"Dear god, you kick ass"
rachel's uncle Cal was kind enough to loan me his cabin just outside the park boundaries. it's more like a modified pre-fab tool shed, but with a stove, fridge and microwave! it did the trick. it's right next to a small creek which was the perfect location for breakfasts and dinners. i sat on the rocks next to the water looking up at the mountain peaks while chomping away on my cereal or pasta. i don't need anymore cereal or pasta for awhile ... or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for that matter. (it would be interesting to know, however, just how many thousands of PB&J sandwiches I've eaten in my lifetime. i'm actually surprised at this point that i haven't, as my mom used to promise, turned into a giant peanut butter and jelly sandwich. a guy can dream, can't he?).
the best day by far was my hike to the cascade pass. the trailhead started about 20 miles down this dirt road, winding it's way into a valley carved out by glaciers. the hike (about 10 miles round trip) wasn't too difficult, but involved a 3,000 foot climb in switchbacks and skree fields. i encountered my first marmot on the trip. i actually didn't know what it was ... it was bigger than a beaver and it squeeked. it scampered around some large boulders just to the side of the skree field squeeking as it hopped. not very intimidated by this behavior, i tried to get closer to snap a photo, but i think he was on to my not-so-wiley ways. i encouraged the little beast that i wasn't going to hurt him, but he didn't seem to believe me. i did learn, however, that marmots do not respond to "here kitty, kitty, kitty". it was worth a shot.
(it was later, in the park ranger office that i learned it was a marmot. by the way, why didn't anyone tell me that the pacific northwest has all the cute park rangers? i swear everywhere i went, the park rangers were young attractive women ... where did all the nice, dorky old men go? not that i'm complaining.)
the hike proved to be stellar. the moutains are capped with glaciers and were still mostly covered in snow despite the lateness of the season. i hiked an extra peak to get a look at 'doubtful lake' in the basin of some of the mountains. waterfalls from the melting snow ran into the lake on several sides and the icy blue water reflected the clouds moving in from the north. i wanted to jump in, but i made that mistake in new zealand several years ago where i learned the true meaning of the phrase "takes your breath away". my testicles didn't descend for days. [hint: glacier fed lakes are not "refreshing"].
even while on the mountain, it was difficult to grasp the enormity of the earth i had just climbed. the grand canyon is like that ... you stand at the edge and slowly, very slowly, you start to take in the details of the canyon going deeper and deeper and you start to get just how immense that crack in the ground really is. the cascades were like that.
the next day i was thwarted by rock slides which closed down most of the road inside the park. the slides had trapped 65 people the night before who had to be evacuated on the east side of the park. the only way back to the west was a 10 hour detour road that went around the southern part of the mountain range. i'm very glad that wasn't me.
instead i drove around as much as i could and listened to Peter Gabriel's 'Passion' which, by the way, is very good scenic driving music.
my legs were pretty beat from the hike the day before, so in the end, i just decided to take off early for orcas island.
next on j.blog: proposals and bloody knees!
Friday, August 13, 2004
in the beginning there was seattle
seattle turned out to be a pretty okay town. i got to hang out with rachel (the coolest roommate i've ever had on the west coast) and clare (the coolest roommate i ever had on the east coast) and they got to meet each other which is pretty great.
rachel and the weissman clan are just the most fabulous people. once her mother warmed up to me, i was bombarded with her 101 business ideas that would make someone a million bucks. i would tell you any one of them, but i'm sworn to secrecy. i swear one of them has nothing to do with pirates.
to be honest, when rachel and her mom are together, it's hard to keep up. it's like watching a movie on fast forward. everytime i tried to speak, i'd find i was commenting on something that was mentioned 5 minutes earlier ...like i was moving in ultra slow motion, my voice all stretched out and low ... "noooooo, iiiiiii doooooon't thiiiinnnnkk thhaaaaaaattsssss a baaaaaadddddd iiiiddeeeeeaaaaaaa". i think her mom liked me though, i at least got points for helping smoosh animal poop into her rose garden to make her flowers grow better.
rachel is probably one of the bestest people i know. she bent over backwards for me last weekend and pretty much helped me get my shit together for my camping. she's good like that. we had lots of fun and she even got electrocuted!
clare is a muppet. a triathalon doing muppet. she had to register the day before the race and they pre-marked her arm with her race number in black grease paint (which is totally stupid b/c it just wears off and they do it again the next day anyway), but this just means that she got to walk around Seattle all day on saturday with a big '69' on her arm. she swears that it said 4769, but we all know she's lying. just give it up clare, we got yer number.
clare and i went to see the famous fish tossing at the market. trick is, somebody has to buy a fish first. which no one did. there were 40 people standing around waiting for just one lousy sap to buy a fish. but as we all know, fish are yukky. who would want to buy a fish? they weren't even alive so you could play with them.
on my last night there, rachel and her friend haley took me to the worst party i've ever been to. it was like a frat party with no alcohol ... complete with skanks! there were a few redeamable people there which made the 15 minutes we stayed tolerable, but i made rachel promise to never do that to me again.
this is a dumb way to end a post, but you'll just have to deal 'cause otherwise i'm never going to write all these updates i didn't do when they were fresh in my head.
rachel and the weissman clan are just the most fabulous people. once her mother warmed up to me, i was bombarded with her 101 business ideas that would make someone a million bucks. i would tell you any one of them, but i'm sworn to secrecy. i swear one of them has nothing to do with pirates.
to be honest, when rachel and her mom are together, it's hard to keep up. it's like watching a movie on fast forward. everytime i tried to speak, i'd find i was commenting on something that was mentioned 5 minutes earlier ...like i was moving in ultra slow motion, my voice all stretched out and low ... "noooooo, iiiiiii doooooon't thiiiinnnnkk thhaaaaaaattsssss a baaaaaadddddd iiiiddeeeeeaaaaaaa". i think her mom liked me though, i at least got points for helping smoosh animal poop into her rose garden to make her flowers grow better.
rachel is probably one of the bestest people i know. she bent over backwards for me last weekend and pretty much helped me get my shit together for my camping. she's good like that. we had lots of fun and she even got electrocuted!
clare is a muppet. a triathalon doing muppet. she had to register the day before the race and they pre-marked her arm with her race number in black grease paint (which is totally stupid b/c it just wears off and they do it again the next day anyway), but this just means that she got to walk around Seattle all day on saturday with a big '69' on her arm. she swears that it said 4769, but we all know she's lying. just give it up clare, we got yer number.
clare and i went to see the famous fish tossing at the market. trick is, somebody has to buy a fish first. which no one did. there were 40 people standing around waiting for just one lousy sap to buy a fish. but as we all know, fish are yukky. who would want to buy a fish? they weren't even alive so you could play with them.
on my last night there, rachel and her friend haley took me to the worst party i've ever been to. it was like a frat party with no alcohol ... complete with skanks! there were a few redeamable people there which made the 15 minutes we stayed tolerable, but i made rachel promise to never do that to me again.
this is a dumb way to end a post, but you'll just have to deal 'cause otherwise i'm never going to write all these updates i didn't do when they were fresh in my head.
Thursday, August 12, 2004
14 on 4 and 1/2
i did it. i'm in seattle. 14 hours flat with 6 stops for gas and food and an hour in rush hour traffic through portland. i could've made it in 12.5 if i didn't eat or pee. damn those biological needs ... they're so ... needy!
it was really quite fast oddly enough ... it barely felt like i drove 3 hours - which surprises me b/c i only got four and a half hours sleep last night. why am i still awake!? wait, where am i? toto?
i'm so glad i made it in one day, i got here at 8:15pm - just in time to take a quick shower and sit on the porch to watch the sunset over the lake from the house on mercer island. i'm staying at my friend rachel's house. it rocks. so good to see her again. we lived together for a year and a half in sf and she was easily the best roommate i ever had (with the exception of girlfriends i lived with). we even got to go apartment hunting tonight which, believe me, is much more fun when you are looking for a place for someone else to live. "No, really, I think you can fit a bed in this closet ... it's, um, homey!"
so .. what did i learn from 14 hours on the road ... lets see:
1. nuclear power plants are creepy.
i passed one in southern washington and it was nestled in a small rolling hill by a lake. it was both beautiful in it's massive and simple form and creepy at the same time. an odd mix of masculine and feminine presence
2. kiss is the greatest rock-n-roll bank on earth!
when looking for books on cd from the sf public library, i only found two of interest. basically because they only had four. one is 'The Two Towers' and the other is 'KISS and Make-Up' written and read by the one and only Gene Simmons.
now, i grew up a HUGE KISS fan. they were my very first music love. i remember staring for hours at the big spread inside the KISS ALIVE II album with Peter Chris up on the drum platform decorated with outlines of cats in lights, drums sparkling in the light, gene spitting fire, ace and paul looking all badass ...
anyway, the book is dreadful and yet gripping in that "i have to know more about this band i loved" sorta way. it's mostly Gene talking about how many women he's slept with ... ooh, i'm sorry, i mean "liasions" ... and the problems the band had due to Ace Frehley and Peter Criss.
what was most entertaining was that in between segments of this book, i would listen to David Deida mp3s my friend jon loaned me. deida, of course, talking about masculine and feminine energies and how men can open women in such a complete and loving ways, providing space for their true goddess energy.
and then Gene talking about banging any number of his 4000+ liaisons.
now that's entertainment.
3. there really are bush supporters in the country.
i kinda forget that living in san francisco. this man in a small honda civic ended up cutting me off on the freeway and i noticed that he had a bush/cheney 2004 bumper sticker. i disliked him immediately. as it happens on a long road trip, you tend to drive near the same cars for long stretches and end up passing each other a lot. me in my utmost example of maturity, made it my mission to never let him in front of me (i.e. so i would always speed up if he was going to try to merge) and would give him the evil eye when he tried. i know it's stupid ... but i was in a car for 14 hours, give me a break!
alright, i really must go to sleep now.
be seeing you!
it was really quite fast oddly enough ... it barely felt like i drove 3 hours - which surprises me b/c i only got four and a half hours sleep last night. why am i still awake!? wait, where am i? toto?
i'm so glad i made it in one day, i got here at 8:15pm - just in time to take a quick shower and sit on the porch to watch the sunset over the lake from the house on mercer island. i'm staying at my friend rachel's house. it rocks. so good to see her again. we lived together for a year and a half in sf and she was easily the best roommate i ever had (with the exception of girlfriends i lived with). we even got to go apartment hunting tonight which, believe me, is much more fun when you are looking for a place for someone else to live. "No, really, I think you can fit a bed in this closet ... it's, um, homey!"
so .. what did i learn from 14 hours on the road ... lets see:
1. nuclear power plants are creepy.
i passed one in southern washington and it was nestled in a small rolling hill by a lake. it was both beautiful in it's massive and simple form and creepy at the same time. an odd mix of masculine and feminine presence
2. kiss is the greatest rock-n-roll bank on earth!
when looking for books on cd from the sf public library, i only found two of interest. basically because they only had four. one is 'The Two Towers' and the other is 'KISS and Make-Up' written and read by the one and only Gene Simmons.
now, i grew up a HUGE KISS fan. they were my very first music love. i remember staring for hours at the big spread inside the KISS ALIVE II album with Peter Chris up on the drum platform decorated with outlines of cats in lights, drums sparkling in the light, gene spitting fire, ace and paul looking all badass ...
anyway, the book is dreadful and yet gripping in that "i have to know more about this band i loved" sorta way. it's mostly Gene talking about how many women he's slept with ... ooh, i'm sorry, i mean "liasions" ... and the problems the band had due to Ace Frehley and Peter Criss.
what was most entertaining was that in between segments of this book, i would listen to David Deida mp3s my friend jon loaned me. deida, of course, talking about masculine and feminine energies and how men can open women in such a complete and loving ways, providing space for their true goddess energy.
and then Gene talking about banging any number of his 4000+ liaisons.
now that's entertainment.
3. there really are bush supporters in the country.
i kinda forget that living in san francisco. this man in a small honda civic ended up cutting me off on the freeway and i noticed that he had a bush/cheney 2004 bumper sticker. i disliked him immediately. as it happens on a long road trip, you tend to drive near the same cars for long stretches and end up passing each other a lot. me in my utmost example of maturity, made it my mission to never let him in front of me (i.e. so i would always speed up if he was going to try to merge) and would give him the evil eye when he tried. i know it's stupid ... but i was in a car for 14 hours, give me a break!
alright, i really must go to sleep now.
be seeing you!
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
may i have this dance?
i just stepped out to get some lunch and on the way back i passed the trinity church. i had to see why there was really loud synthesizer music playing. as i neared the door, i caught glimpses of people moving about and when i got to the edge of the door i found a dozen or so elderly couples (and we're talkin' OLD PEOPLE) ballroom dancing.
it was really very endearing ... all the twirling, the spinning, the shuffling, the- oh dear, no! not the ... yes! the dipping! - please, sir, don't hurt your back!
i guess that's why the music was so gawd-awful loud. hearing aids - n- all.
my favorite were the two or three 90+ yr old men sitting in straight-back chairs, holding their canes, watching ... pointing and smiling and muttering something to each other. probably something like, "ooh, look at that mrs. yuen ... what nice hair she has, and those calves! vrrroooom!".
i so can't wait to be a dirty old man.
today is my last real day of full-time work. it's rather anti-climactic. especially since i'll be back in three weeks to work part-time for the month of september. i was expecting fireworks of glee - glee i tell you! but, no, it's just another day ... more work to be done, plans to be laid, visions to be had.
mostly, i'm thiking about the vacation i begin tomorrow and all the shit that has to get done between now and then. will someone please remind me to plan a "get your shit together day" at the beginning of every vacation? what was i thinking?
in other news, i'm feeling rather great. pretty high-spirited underneath my exhaustion. i'm so looking forward to a couple weeks of freedom in my car ... alone!
my only plan is to not die or get horribly mamed or anything. is that more than one plan?
alright, gotta go ... i have a piece of greenbean stuck between my teeth and it's driving me nuts.
bon voyagi!
it was really very endearing ... all the twirling, the spinning, the shuffling, the- oh dear, no! not the ... yes! the dipping! - please, sir, don't hurt your back!
i guess that's why the music was so gawd-awful loud. hearing aids - n- all.
my favorite were the two or three 90+ yr old men sitting in straight-back chairs, holding their canes, watching ... pointing and smiling and muttering something to each other. probably something like, "ooh, look at that mrs. yuen ... what nice hair she has, and those calves! vrrroooom!".
i so can't wait to be a dirty old man.
today is my last real day of full-time work. it's rather anti-climactic. especially since i'll be back in three weeks to work part-time for the month of september. i was expecting fireworks of glee - glee i tell you! but, no, it's just another day ... more work to be done, plans to be laid, visions to be had.
mostly, i'm thiking about the vacation i begin tomorrow and all the shit that has to get done between now and then. will someone please remind me to plan a "get your shit together day" at the beginning of every vacation? what was i thinking?
in other news, i'm feeling rather great. pretty high-spirited underneath my exhaustion. i'm so looking forward to a couple weeks of freedom in my car ... alone!
my only plan is to not die or get horribly mamed or anything. is that more than one plan?
alright, gotta go ... i have a piece of greenbean stuck between my teeth and it's driving me nuts.
bon voyagi!
Friday, August 06, 2004
little things in life
there are little things in life that make me so happy. i'll share one ...
walking home from the top of 29th street, down the middle of the street looking at Bernal Hill and the East Bay. it always looks different. sometimes it's shrouded in clouds and fog, sometimes i catch it with the orange hue of a setting sun, sometimes it's the thick, hot haze of a summer afternoon ... everytime, the light and conditions highlight different aspects of the scene.
last night i got home around 11:30 and was walking down the hill. the fog had cleared and there was a light warm-ish wind. Bernal Hill was lit up with small distinct lights from houses - it reminded me of a model train set i had as a kid.
just to the left of Bernal Hill, hanging low above the Oakland hills was a large, dull-orange 3/4 moon - just barely hanging onto the sky above the horizon. it looked like a quarter being inserted into a thin black slot in the sky.
i strolled down the hill, taking this all in and just smiled at how lucky i am to live somewhere that i love and to have the opportunity to do all the things i do.
not too long ago, i stopped feeling guilty about having more than some people in this world. besides being philanthropic and donating some money and time to help others, there's not much i can do about my good fortune. it doesn't make sense to give everything away. instead, i made a pledge to appreciate what i have as often as possible and to give freely of myself when healthy and appropriate.
i also need to acknowledge that as much as i love *stuff*, it clutters my life and can distract me from my true purpose - which is to help people and to leave this world in better condition than i found it. so gadgets and toys are fun, but my life is not the pursuit of gadgets and toys - though i sometimes forget this in a world surrounded by them. no, my life is about experiencing the journey. i may not know why i am here, but i do know that while here, i plan to take advantage of and appreciate my life.
so, if you are ever in the outer Noe Valley area, take a stroll down 29th street and take in all that you see. it may not be much, but it sure is a lot.
walking home from the top of 29th street, down the middle of the street looking at Bernal Hill and the East Bay. it always looks different. sometimes it's shrouded in clouds and fog, sometimes i catch it with the orange hue of a setting sun, sometimes it's the thick, hot haze of a summer afternoon ... everytime, the light and conditions highlight different aspects of the scene.
last night i got home around 11:30 and was walking down the hill. the fog had cleared and there was a light warm-ish wind. Bernal Hill was lit up with small distinct lights from houses - it reminded me of a model train set i had as a kid.
just to the left of Bernal Hill, hanging low above the Oakland hills was a large, dull-orange 3/4 moon - just barely hanging onto the sky above the horizon. it looked like a quarter being inserted into a thin black slot in the sky.
i strolled down the hill, taking this all in and just smiled at how lucky i am to live somewhere that i love and to have the opportunity to do all the things i do.
not too long ago, i stopped feeling guilty about having more than some people in this world. besides being philanthropic and donating some money and time to help others, there's not much i can do about my good fortune. it doesn't make sense to give everything away. instead, i made a pledge to appreciate what i have as often as possible and to give freely of myself when healthy and appropriate.
i also need to acknowledge that as much as i love *stuff*, it clutters my life and can distract me from my true purpose - which is to help people and to leave this world in better condition than i found it. so gadgets and toys are fun, but my life is not the pursuit of gadgets and toys - though i sometimes forget this in a world surrounded by them. no, my life is about experiencing the journey. i may not know why i am here, but i do know that while here, i plan to take advantage of and appreciate my life.
so, if you are ever in the outer Noe Valley area, take a stroll down 29th street and take in all that you see. it may not be much, but it sure is a lot.
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
bad idea
someone seriously needs to be fired. probably a whole team of people need to be fired.
someone somewhere thought it would be a good idea to market Safeway Select Deli Meats on San Francisco buses. not just a little billboard on the side of the bus, no ... the whole freakin' bus ... covered in folds of deli meat.
ginormous flaps of ham and roast beef and other unidentifiable meats - a sickly pink and brown hue with billowing diesel smoke and grafitti stopping at every corner.
who in gods great name thought this was good marketing? 2 tons of rolling flesh. 2 tons of people-carrying rolling flesh.
what is this world coming to?
hmmm ... i'm hungry.
someone somewhere thought it would be a good idea to market Safeway Select Deli Meats on San Francisco buses. not just a little billboard on the side of the bus, no ... the whole freakin' bus ... covered in folds of deli meat.
ginormous flaps of ham and roast beef and other unidentifiable meats - a sickly pink and brown hue with billowing diesel smoke and grafitti stopping at every corner.
who in gods great name thought this was good marketing? 2 tons of rolling flesh. 2 tons of people-carrying rolling flesh.
what is this world coming to?
hmmm ... i'm hungry.
Monday, August 02, 2004
nothing to see here
i feel like i should write something b/c i haven't in a few days. can't say i have much interesting things to write about today. there's interesting things to *say*, but i can't write about them. sorry.
i spent the weekend in santa cruz with kevin, kelly, raelin, adam and juli - which was awesome. and i got to see sarah and neal and bunches of photos from their trip which was stupendous.
i think over-all it was just good to be sitting around with the SC gang again in the sun, not doing anything terribly important other than long-distance popcorn tossing and illegal music swapping.
oh, we did go to the Long Marine something-or-other to see the fantastically small aquarium (hey - what do you expect for 5 bucks!) and dolphins who were quite jealous that only the seals were being fed.
but - boy! - you should've seen all the things we *almost* went and did ... if it weren't ... for ... extreme ... laz ... i ... nessssssss.
i did learn about this which is especially funny if it is late, you are tired and you hate starbucks:
http://www.illwillpress.com/sml.html
i spent the weekend in santa cruz with kevin, kelly, raelin, adam and juli - which was awesome. and i got to see sarah and neal and bunches of photos from their trip which was stupendous.
i think over-all it was just good to be sitting around with the SC gang again in the sun, not doing anything terribly important other than long-distance popcorn tossing and illegal music swapping.
oh, we did go to the Long Marine something-or-other to see the fantastically small aquarium (hey - what do you expect for 5 bucks!) and dolphins who were quite jealous that only the seals were being fed.
but - boy! - you should've seen all the things we *almost* went and did ... if it weren't ... for ... extreme ... laz ... i ... nessssssss.
i did learn about this which is especially funny if it is late, you are tired and you hate starbucks:
http://www.illwillpress.com/sml.html
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