epidemic update

well, we're up to 21 people down for the count and it's looking like food poisoning.
i'm feeling much better today and hope to be back to my normal self by the end of the day.

did i mention that wasn't fun - at all!?

blech.

epidemic

i feel like i've been hit by a truck. a really really big truck.

turns out at least 12 people who were at the Thanksgiving potluck i went to are all down for the count today with very nasty stomach flus. it all hit us late yesterday afternoon through today.

we think we've ruled out food poisoning since some people are sick and didn't have any meat products, but it sure is nasty.

can i have a new spine please? it feels like this one is broken.

well, wish me a speedy recovery ... i'm missing some very very enticing plans tonight AND i haven't gotten any homework done today.

good thing i work well under pressure.
oh ... the pressure!

pathetically,
- jason

thankful

Thanksgiving 2004

These are a few of the things I am thankful for this year:

My life
My health
The comforts and luxuries available to me
My family for their love and support
My friends (and their babies!) who witness and support me in my life.
The Rhythm Society for opening me
My mens group for challenging me
Bruinslair for giving me respite
Natural places untouched by humans for beauty and solitude
A dog named Kaya for unconditional love
Hope to move forward
Freedom to have hope
The freedom of san francisco to be whoever I want to be
Music for the soundtrack of my life
Crushes for charging me up
Time alone for self-reflection, silence and grounding
Soft things
Hot showers
Anything chocolate
My instincts for taking me the right way
Too many material goods for making life comfortable
Annies alfredo macaroni & cheese w/ broccoli for being the best meal ever
Drums for allowing me to express that which cannot be spoken
The ability to experience life in other parts of the world


And mostly:
I am really thankful to be who I am. I don’t know if there was ever a time in my life that I liked myself more than I do right now – hangups and all. I’m pretty fucking happy to be me. And for those of you who actually read this – I’m pretty fucking happy that you are you.

kung-fu

my monkey's kung-fu is better than your monkey's kung-fu.

i can prove it!

creative ways to waste time

i stumbled across this site today which shows you a few options of what to do when your co-worker goes away for vacation. these people definitely share my sense of humor.

it is, of course, a terrible waste of materials, but sometimes ... you just gotta.

thinking

okay ... now that's more like it. it may only be noon, but today is looking to be a better day.

here's a sample of why i like today:

* Nick Drake - "One of these things first" - I love this song. If you haven't seen Garden State yet - go see it. It's a great feel-good film with a really kick-ass soundtrack. That's how I discovered this song and now I listen to it daily.

* A cutie from NY wrote me to say: "I'm in NYC, but I just had to write to tell you how damn sexy you are, both pic and profile. Too bad we're a continent apart. But that's kind of sexy and romantic, isn't it?" Yes, it is.

* I'm actually getting work done!

* Zack called to apologize that things got all weird and said it was cool if I wanted to come get Kaya to take her out. This gesture makes such a difference. It's that kind of interaction that opens me and makes me want to do anything for someone. It eases me into ways I can change to accommodate the needs of others. It shows humilty to make the call and I respect the effort he put forth to do so. I truly look forward to the day all that other stuff doesn't come up. I have an intention to make it that way by the time they get married next year - not just to make it so the wedding is comfortable (and I'm assuming and hoping I'm invited), but also because they are leaving for 2-7 years afterwards and I want that space to end on a good note. It does make me sad to think that I won't see Madhavi for a long time.

* Joy wrote me back after I wrote to tell her how good it was to see her the other night and mentioned that there were also good tidings felt by some comrads about me. And that people were happy to see me and want me around more.

* I got in touch with my cousin Jim who I haven't seen in FOREVER. He's in Florida living a very different life than me. It was good to have a little connection after all this time. I got my first real drumset from him back when I was 9 or 10 or something - he's, like, a hero to me for that!

I mean ... how can you have a bad day with all that?

Okay, there are ways you could still have a bad day after all that ... BUT none of those things are going to happen to change that this is a good day!

how do you spell relief?

d-a-n-c-i-n-g!

The shackles of doom were mightly tossed last night in a three and a half hour dancing extravaganzza! Holy moly I needed that. (who says Holy Moly?). I am so thankful that the Space Cowboys throw such a damn good party and for the skills of one mr. Brad Robinson. I love Brad. Brad can make me dance no matter how tired, how grumpy or how down-and-out I feel. I don't know how he does it, but he gets the whole room shakin' like there's no tomorrow.

If there is ever an apocalypse, I'm hiring Brad to DJ the party.

So I woke up feeling great and then the day got ... weird.

It started with an email from Madhavi saying I couldn't come take Kaya (the dog) out tomorrow because it made Zack feel weird that I also hadn't offered to come and see their new house. Is that weird? Supposedly, if you have a "bad history" it is. I got pretty frustrated that what soon turned into a 'big deal' could've easily been diverted by a simple phone call.

But, no, it became a big deal.

After a couple emails, I called over there tonight (because I'm tired of resolving conflict over email) and Zack and I talked it out for awhile. We managed to resolve some of the issue though it's pretty clear we see things differently. There's still some sensitivity around all the old stuff that I didn't know I still needed to take into consideration. I thought we were past it.

Apparently, not yet.

I can respect that, I just didn't expect that. Last I heard he was happier with me not around, so I was trying to respect that . Out-of-proportion ... it all just got out-of-proportion.

Unfortunately what that means is I can't take Kaya out tomorrow. I was really looking forward to taking Kaya out tomorrow.

So in between all that, I had a great brunch with Zen, got the best stamps EVER (Buckminster Fuller stamps!) and found out that my car had been towed.

Yep. Towed. I was on my way to buy some new boots which I very badly need since my current boots have no tread anymore and have splits completely through the soul which means my feet get terribly wet when it's raining. So, I walk out in my sad boots and find ... no car.

Um, where *did* I park my car last night? I'm sure it was right there. Did I accidently cloak it? Maybe I parked it there the *other* night.

After spending 30 minutes on hold with the city tow place, I find out they, indeed, towed my car and it was going to cost $171 to get it out + a $75 parking ticket because someone complained the my vehicle extended past the drop of their curb.

It so did not.

I am a Virgo, god damnit! I like symmetry. I notice these things.

Besides, aren't you supposed to paint the curb red if you don't want someone parking there? It's not like I was blocking the garage.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

So, $241 and a mild headache later, I'm not in the mood to go spend $150 on boots. So think of me next time it rains. I'll be the one with the wet feet.

It's now 7:30pm and I've done about 30 minutes of the 5 hours of work planned for today - which means I have a long night ahead of me.

Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

Brad Robinson ... where are you when I need you!?

Fortunately, it will all be better tomorrow. Fuck that, it's all better now. In the grander scheme of things, this is all so insignificant. It's just that after a lousy week and a night spent getting rid of all that doom and gloom, I was hoping for a peaceful and productive weekend. Oh well - better luck next time.

Really, I'm over it. Though I could use a really boring and uneventful Sunday.

wiped

i'm wiped out. midterms are finally over and there's only a couple days left in the week. i just want to sleep all day and pretend that the world is in good condition. but i can't and it's not. i find myself constantly reframing my world to find the positive string to follow, to keep up hope that our global community can figure this all out. sometimes it just seems like we're on a collision course with our extinction and there's no way to steer.

it keeps bringing me back to impermanence. it's a universal truth. everything dies. this planet will one day die when the sun goes out. it is inevitable that the human race and all living creatures and things on earth will cease to exist. my attachment to my very easy life is hard to give up though. i don't want to think that i'll ever be uncomfortable or that i'll have to struggle for my sustainance. but who knows ... maybe i will, maybe i won't. i'd like to think that we will stop this incessant fighting and start co-existing and treating our home (the planet) as we would expect a house guest to treat our house. we're not doing that right now. no, the marvels of industry and the ease of disengagement have allowed most of us to believe that we have no responsibility or need to care for the planet. you can easily buy your comfort in the short term, so why think about the long term? isn't it easy just to ignore the warnings and the threats? i do it everyday.

the real problem is we don't really know what's going to happen. because of the lack of true predictability, because of that ounce of uncertainty, we are able to pretend it's all going to be okay.

i believe that it's not too late. not at all. but global warming is happening. diseases are getting stronger. weather patterns are changing. we're gradually running out of oil and trees and potable water. the air ain't so good in a lot of places.

what does it take to make the changes that we are capable of making to ensure our survival? well, first we need to stop fighting each other. can we just have a big global "do over"?

i didn't expect to write any of this. it's just on my mind lately and i feel pretty heavy. i want to be able to think about these issues and really appreciate the importance and need to make changes without being depressed. this is my life, after all, and i have a choice between being up or being down. the prognosis might not be so hot right now, but i'd like to believe that with a positive attitude and living a healthy life, a full recovery is possible.

we'll see how it goes. i'll do my part ... will you do yours? it's not so hard. really. we just all need to lend a hand.

check out Smartsoul.com . it's a start.

here's an article about the artic report . notice how they barely talk about the impacts on life and more about how we can tap into more oil reserves now that the polar ice caps are melting?

great! more oil to burn to make the planet even toastier!

thinking happy thoughts ... happy thoughts ... happy ......

stuff and stuff

I feel so behind in my blogging and there's so much to say. I probably won't get to it all right now.

What a week. I've been filled with despair, anger, hopelessness, hopefulness, tenaciousness, determination ... and that's just when trying to figure out what to wear in the morning!

Seriously, I'm worried about the next four years with Bush in office and a conservative republican house and senate. It doesn't look good. I only hope that this wakes more Americans up and that more of us become active in electing a real leader next time. I heard on NPR that only 1 out of 10 people aged 18-24 voted in this election. If that is true, we have a lot of work to do.

I was in a hardware store the night of the election and news was coming in that Bush was ahead. There were lots of people talking and there was an energetic tension in the air. There was a little latino boy about 7 years old tugging on his mom's shirt in front of me. He had just been told that the president would be re-elected and he was exasperated and asking, "Mommy, is that the guy who's going to make us all go to war?". He sounded so scared.

I think I'm also in a bit of denial as I keep thinking, "Four years will go by fast, what can really happen?". I'm just scared to think what really can happen. But ... all we can do is keep on moving and doing what we can to make this country what we want it to be. It's just so hard to imagine how equally split the country is.

Okay, enough about politics. I have other places I can talk and vent about that.

Callahan was here for the past few days. It was great to see him and have a little time to hang out. We had a pot-luck Friday night and it felt great to just laugh and laugh. Madhavi showed up totally unexpected. I had a strange feeling she might and then there she was, walking in the door. I was surprised at how comfortable it felt to have her there, though it's still weird that she is getting married next year. It just doesn't feel like it's been so long since we were together. I can feel the distance emotionally, but when we're in the same room, it's all just so familiar. I guess it's just weird because I never see Madhavi and Zack together and I just don't have reference point to think of her with someone else.

I spoke with my Grandfather tonight for about 20 minutes, That's the longest time we've spent on the phone in a couple years. I find his determination to live very amazing. The man has had two open-heart surgeries (triple bypasses, i believe), plus a whole host of other complications and health issues that come from being an 88 year old person who has smoked almost his entire life. And yet, he's still going. He is certainly suffering a fair amount, and for that I am truly sorry. I wish there was something I could do to help him. His wife died many years ago and since then his vitality has come from the cousins and neighbors children he takes care of. Now, most of them have moved away which leaves him little inspiration. My mom lives with him, taking care of him, which I'm sure is a great comfort. It just goes to show you how strong the human spirit is. His body has taken so much trauma over the years and the body is hurting from that, but the spirit within is still strong and I think he could live to 100 if he wanted to. I just don't know if he wants to. So it was good to talk to him and I hope to have many more conversations in the years to come.

Right now, I'm procrastinating. Or rather ... "taking a break" ... from studying for my midterm in Statistics tomorrow. At this point I think I know everything I need to know, but I can and should be 'overlearning' so I don't have to think about it. Since I am a man of my word and my word is that school is my number one priority ... i will move on to do that now.

Soon I will post more about the more personal discoveries I've been having lately .. and if you're lucky, I'll tell you more about my dating life.

ciao

fuck!

i'm moving to another country.
new zealand anyone? australia? belize?

i can feel my civil liberties disappearing faster than the ozone.

sigh.

what is wrong with the people in this country?
can't anyone see what is happening here?
where is my revolution? did i miss my stop?

maybe i'll wake up later from this horrible dream.




is it so wrong to get drunk at work?

vote

this is simple:

GET OUT THERE AND VOTE TODAY!

ISFJ

I'm too tired to write anything else tonight, and I have more homework to do. So, I'll paste a little something about me.

I did the Myers-Briggs personality test again recently and it turns out I am an "ISFJ". I took the test several times answering different questions that were "it depends" situations and each score came out the same.

Introverted: 22% - slightly expressed introvert
Sensing: 33% - moderately expressed sensing personality
Feeling: 33% - moderately expressed feeling personality
Judging: 44% - moderately expressed judging personality

The title of my grouping is "The Portrait of the Protector" and this is a little about me (it's actually eerie how relevant this is):

The primary desire of the Protector Guardian is to be of service to others, but here “service” means not so much furnishing others with the necessities of life (the Provider’s concern), as guarding others against life’s pitfalls and perils, that is, seeing to their safety and security. There is a large proportion of Protectors in the population, perhaps as much as ten percent. And a good thing, because they are steadfast in their protecting, and seem fulfilled in the degree they can insure the safekeeping of those in their family, their circle of friends, or their place of business.

Protectors find great satisfaction in assisting the downtrodden and can deal with disability and neediness in others better than any other type. They go about their task of caretaking modestly, unassumingly, and because of this their efforts are not sometimes fully appreciated. They are not as outgoing and talkative as the Providers, except with close friends and relatives. With these they can chat tirelessly about the ups and downs in their lives, moving (like all the Guardians) from topic to topic as they talk over their everyday concerns. However, their shyness with strangers is often misjudged as stiffness, even coldness, when in truth these Protectors are warm-hearted and sympathetic, giving happily of themselves to those in need.

Their quietness ought really to be seen as an expression, not of coldness, but of their sincerity and seriousness of purpose. Like all the Guardians, Protectors have a highly developed puritan work ethic, which tells them that work is good, and that play must be earned-if indulged in at all. The least hedonic of all types, Protectors are willing to work long, long hours doing all the thankless jobs the other types seem content to ignore. Thoroughness and frugality are also virtues for Protectors. When they undertake a task, they will complete it if at all humanly possible; and they know the value of material resources and abhor the squandering or misuse of these resources. Protectors are quite content to work alone; indeed, they may experience some discomfort when placed in positions of authority, and may try to do everything themselves rather than insist that others do their jobs.

With their extraordinary commitment to security, and with their unusual talent for executing routines, Protectors do well in many careers that have to do with conservation: curators, private secretaries, librarians, middle-managers, police officers, and especially general medical practitioners. To be sure, the hospital is a natural haven for them; it is home to the family doctor, preserver of life and limb, and to the registered nurse, or licensed practical nurse, truly the angels of mercy. The insurance industry is also a good fit for Protectors. To save, to put something aside against an unpredictable future, to prepare for emergencies—these are important actions to Protectors, who as insurance agents want to see their clients in good hands, sheltered and protected.

If you are interested in taking the test, go here .
Have fun!