Today is my last day at the Women's Funding Network. I've been here two and a half years and I'm both glad to be leaving and a little sad too. I realized today how great the people I work with are - innovative, creative, intellegent, dedicated, fun, young-at-heart. This is not to say that I haven't been so frustrated at times that I nearly walked out and never came back … but as I said in my farewell email … understanding the scope of what this organization has done for women and girls' philanthropy has made it all worth it. The work that is done here is truly remarkable.
My co-workers (14 women) often wonder how I have made it for so long as the only guy. I never really thought about it all that much. The only side affect that I can see is getting lured into conversations about Hollywood gossip. I don't really care if Brad had an affair with Angelina. All I care about is if I lost my chance with Angelina!
So will I miss it? Yes and No. I look forward to a new job with new challenges. I was feeling pretty stagnant here. There were some projects I loved working on and some that were difficult to put all of my ability into. I do feel, however, that I gave more than what was asked of me on a regular enough basis to compensate for those days where it was difficult to care.
I will miss the people here. It has become a fun place to work lately with laughter, open conversations and practical jokes and I will miss all of that. I think it's probably rare to find a place where you feel happy going to sit and talk with just about anyone in the office.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
since people have been bugging me about writing ...
I've spent the last five days up in Willits, California with my community. We have an annual 2-day celebration there and it has come to be one of my favorite events of the year. This year was terribly hot and buggy, but the friends, music, food and lounging made up for the uncomfortable conditions. Of course, the high temperatures led to very warm nights, so I can't complain there.
Aside from the many funny things that happened that would be pointless to write about here b/c they all seem to be one of those "you had to be there" moments, I had a great weekend. I tend to have a difficult time at large events as I struggle with the ability to stay focused on any one thing when there is so much to do and so many people to connect with - it generally results in me not connecting with anyone and feeling like I don't know where to be. And then this brings up a smattering of insecurities as I watch others connect and then I feel out of place. These feelings certainly came up a bunch this weekend, but I also became aware of how I close myself off from others when in large groups.
On Saturday night, I was having a conversation with a couple guys and I could literally feel these walls I had up around them ... how I was there talking with them, but not giving much of myself. It's interesting to me how I can be very open and reveal information about myself that would not be considered "surface" stuff, and at the same time be very closed. So much of this same thing came up in my Arete workshop last year - my pattern of social caution.
The re-revelation on Saturday night caused me to drop an octave on Sunday. I felt more relaxed, more open, more ready to connect with people. This was probably partly due to exhaustion - I tend to be more open when I don't have the energy to put up walls, but it was also because I was able to recognize what I had been doing and to make a conscious choice not to engage in that behavior.
In other news: I got a job offer for my internship yesterday at 3D-Group in Berkeley. I think it will be a good position and it's certainly nice to not have to worry about finding an internship anymore. I'll be working mostly on 360-degree evaluations and training assessments. The firm also does some executive coaching, so I'm glad to be working somewhere where I can have some exposure to that field. I'm not thrilled about having my first commute-across-the-bridge job, but it could be worse.
I am still "without thesis" and am leaning heavily towards taking the comprehensive exam option that my program offers. It's about the same amount of work as the thesis, but (a) I'd actually graduate on time (which is rare if you do a thesis) and (b) I'd have a much wider scope of knowledge when I was done. Since I have already done most of the thesis process and I don't have any good ideas at the moment for a new project, the exam is looking pretty good (as good as an 8 hour exam can look!) ugh.
To help prepare myself for this next year, I'm going on a 10-day Vipassana meditation retreat in the beginning of August. It's going to be so very hard and yet very rewarding (i hope). I've never meditated for more than an hour or so and have only meditated a few handfuls of times in my life ... so it's kinda like sink or swim. It just kinda fits in with the challenges I tend to face myself with every couple of years (6 month solo travels, running marathons, etc.) I'm sure I'll have a lot more to say about it when I return ... or possibly not.
'til next time ...
Aside from the many funny things that happened that would be pointless to write about here b/c they all seem to be one of those "you had to be there" moments, I had a great weekend. I tend to have a difficult time at large events as I struggle with the ability to stay focused on any one thing when there is so much to do and so many people to connect with - it generally results in me not connecting with anyone and feeling like I don't know where to be. And then this brings up a smattering of insecurities as I watch others connect and then I feel out of place. These feelings certainly came up a bunch this weekend, but I also became aware of how I close myself off from others when in large groups.
On Saturday night, I was having a conversation with a couple guys and I could literally feel these walls I had up around them ... how I was there talking with them, but not giving much of myself. It's interesting to me how I can be very open and reveal information about myself that would not be considered "surface" stuff, and at the same time be very closed. So much of this same thing came up in my Arete workshop last year - my pattern of social caution.
The re-revelation on Saturday night caused me to drop an octave on Sunday. I felt more relaxed, more open, more ready to connect with people. This was probably partly due to exhaustion - I tend to be more open when I don't have the energy to put up walls, but it was also because I was able to recognize what I had been doing and to make a conscious choice not to engage in that behavior.
In other news: I got a job offer for my internship yesterday at 3D-Group in Berkeley. I think it will be a good position and it's certainly nice to not have to worry about finding an internship anymore. I'll be working mostly on 360-degree evaluations and training assessments. The firm also does some executive coaching, so I'm glad to be working somewhere where I can have some exposure to that field. I'm not thrilled about having my first commute-across-the-bridge job, but it could be worse.
I am still "without thesis" and am leaning heavily towards taking the comprehensive exam option that my program offers. It's about the same amount of work as the thesis, but (a) I'd actually graduate on time (which is rare if you do a thesis) and (b) I'd have a much wider scope of knowledge when I was done. Since I have already done most of the thesis process and I don't have any good ideas at the moment for a new project, the exam is looking pretty good (as good as an 8 hour exam can look!) ugh.
To help prepare myself for this next year, I'm going on a 10-day Vipassana meditation retreat in the beginning of August. It's going to be so very hard and yet very rewarding (i hope). I've never meditated for more than an hour or so and have only meditated a few handfuls of times in my life ... so it's kinda like sink or swim. It just kinda fits in with the challenges I tend to face myself with every couple of years (6 month solo travels, running marathons, etc.) I'm sure I'll have a lot more to say about it when I return ... or possibly not.
'til next time ...
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