What's this? Blogging on a Friday night? I must be grad student.
I'm thinking about posting this in the local paper:
Lost: One social life. Last seen in the SF Bay area cavorting around with friends ... laughing, drinking, getting involved in three too many things at once. Generally well liked and well mannered. Answers to the name "hotstuff". If found, please cuddle and tell him it'll all be okay one of these days. Return to me by June 2006.
I've been all out of sorts lately with this mysterious cold. It was symptomless for the first 4 days - I only felt this eerie fatigue and spacy-ness. The last two days my energy has returned some, but I have this faint sore throat. It's like I have a ghost of a cold. I really hope it goes away soon. Anyone know an exorcist? Does Nyquil make a rememedy for curing the undead?
I haven't been writing in here much mostly because I don't have much to say ... unless you want to hear about goal setting, goal commitment, self regulation of goal setting, the benefits of writing or motivation (among other things). It seems to be one of those things that is interesting to many, but not really a hot conversation piece.
Oh ... I can tell you that I'm in love. She's beautiful. A black goddess. Yes, that's right ... I received my new Nikon D70 DSLR last week. I love love love this camera. I must thank the US government for somehow giving me 4 times the tax return I expected and, of course, if you receive money that you didn't know you were getting you have to spend it, right? Right!
I'm still trying to sell my bitchin' Nikon FM2 35mm camera to help defray the costs - so if you know anyone who's in the market, send them my way. I just can't justify owning 3 cameras, so one has got to go. But not my D70 ... no ... she's my precioussssssssss. Yes, precioussssssssss.
Is such a great love for an inanimate object wrong? I think not.
So that's it. That is all I have to say tonight. Rather boring I suppose. I was hoping my 100th blog post would be more ... well ... monumental. But no. No major milestones here. Perhaps I'll celebrate my 101st blog post instead! Yeah! I'll even take pictures with my new camera and post them. Pictures of ... pictures of ... my homework!
Sigh.
Friday, March 25, 2005
Sunday, March 13, 2005
Changes
I'm feeling the need for some change in my life. Over the past week or so, I've really been digging deep into some areas of my life that just aren't working for me.
I've been feeling very negative, closed, impatient, and uptight. I've gotten feedback that this is also how I am being received by some people. It hurts. It hurts to think that people experience me as being judgemental and difficult to approach. It frustrates me to see how, when I am trying to get something done, I completely ignore the people I interact with in order to accomplish my task. It's even a fallacy to say "interact" because that's not what I am doing.
It's been a hard week ... looking at this stuff and not really knowing what to do about it and fearing that I won't be able to lighten up and open up. I know in my heart that that is not true, but, well, you think these things anyway, don't you?
I'm not sure what the answer is, but I'm tired of people saying that they don't really feel me and that they sometimes feel uncomfortable around me. That all changes when I let people in, but for some reason that seems to be a challenge.
I'm sure this is all sounding a little blown out of proportion and I don't intend it to be. I know that this is definitely an aspect of how people sometimes experience me, but not all always and it's not the only way. It's just what's up for me right now.
Maybe the intensity with which I feel it is a bi-product of being so isolated while in school and so task and goal-oriented all the time with homework deadlines on a daily basis. Who knows. It's certainly nothing new ... it's just time to pay attention to it.
So ... I'm curious ... how do you experience me? Feel free to be honest, I want nothing less Write a comment, or send me an email if you prefer. Reflection is good.
I've been feeling very negative, closed, impatient, and uptight. I've gotten feedback that this is also how I am being received by some people. It hurts. It hurts to think that people experience me as being judgemental and difficult to approach. It frustrates me to see how, when I am trying to get something done, I completely ignore the people I interact with in order to accomplish my task. It's even a fallacy to say "interact" because that's not what I am doing.
It's been a hard week ... looking at this stuff and not really knowing what to do about it and fearing that I won't be able to lighten up and open up. I know in my heart that that is not true, but, well, you think these things anyway, don't you?
I'm not sure what the answer is, but I'm tired of people saying that they don't really feel me and that they sometimes feel uncomfortable around me. That all changes when I let people in, but for some reason that seems to be a challenge.
I'm sure this is all sounding a little blown out of proportion and I don't intend it to be. I know that this is definitely an aspect of how people sometimes experience me, but not all always and it's not the only way. It's just what's up for me right now.
Maybe the intensity with which I feel it is a bi-product of being so isolated while in school and so task and goal-oriented all the time with homework deadlines on a daily basis. Who knows. It's certainly nothing new ... it's just time to pay attention to it.
So ... I'm curious ... how do you experience me? Feel free to be honest, I want nothing less Write a comment, or send me an email if you prefer. Reflection is good.
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
random notes
We have a cat in our house now - her name is Newt and she belongs to Robin. Newt is a good cat all around, though she has her moments.
I only bring it up because I've noticed something funny about her which is true for other cats I've lived with. If you pick her up when she is good and/or wants attention, she'll just walk off when you put her down ... or linger for more attention.
If you pick her up with the same gentleness, yet when she has done something wrong, when you put her down she stops to lick her body as if to say, "how dare you touch me, heathen, your vile touch has soiled me"!
cats.
and why is it that all they want to do is go exactly where you don't want them to and mess with the only thing that is fragile?
this is why i like dogs. dogs are not pretentious .... dumb, maybe, but not pretentious.
***
On another note, class was cancelled today and tomorrow because our professor's wife went into premature labor. Everyone is doing fine.
He just sent us pictures of the baby. That's just cool. I don't think I've ever had a teacher who was like, "I just wanted everyone to see my new baby - here are some photos post-birth".
That's the difference between grad school and all other school. Your teachers are your friends and colleagues. I like it.
I only bring it up because I've noticed something funny about her which is true for other cats I've lived with. If you pick her up when she is good and/or wants attention, she'll just walk off when you put her down ... or linger for more attention.
If you pick her up with the same gentleness, yet when she has done something wrong, when you put her down she stops to lick her body as if to say, "how dare you touch me, heathen, your vile touch has soiled me"!
cats.
and why is it that all they want to do is go exactly where you don't want them to and mess with the only thing that is fragile?
this is why i like dogs. dogs are not pretentious .... dumb, maybe, but not pretentious.
***
On another note, class was cancelled today and tomorrow because our professor's wife went into premature labor. Everyone is doing fine.
He just sent us pictures of the baby. That's just cool. I don't think I've ever had a teacher who was like, "I just wanted everyone to see my new baby - here are some photos post-birth".
That's the difference between grad school and all other school. Your teachers are your friends and colleagues. I like it.
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