Lists

2006 has been kind and cruel so far. unfortunately, i've been focusing too much on the cruel. okay, perhaps cruel is a but too dramatic, but i'm kinda feeling that way right now.

Ten Things I am Bummed About:

1. I've been having headaches daily for over a month now. Currently on antibiotics to see if it's a sinus infection.
2. Two beings I love of the dog-variety have been put to sleep in the past month. Sad to see them go.
3. I came really close to having a $10k contract this month, but it fell through on the client-side.
4. Most of the month, I've been feeling pretty low energy despite getting exercise and trying to eat healthy.
5. My COBRA dental insurance ends next month and it doesn't look like i can extend it. (Individual dental plans are either
WAY expensive or crappy)
6. I haven't made the time to see a bunch of people I love and whom I haven't seen in FAR TOO LONG!
7. I have not yet found an internship doing something I am truly excited about for this semester.
8. My computer is getting dangerously close to not working anymore.
9 All this work in the Leadership Intensive Training is leading me to think about all that I am not vs. all that I am.
10. I have resorted to writing 'Ten Things I am Bummed About' lists to vent it all.

AND SO ... to balance this all out and get perspective ...

Eleven Things I am Happy About:

1. All of the above doesn't matter at all in the greater scheme of things.
2. I am in love with an incredible (truly incredible!) woman who amazes me on a daily basis. Oh, and she's hot!
3. I made a commitment to my men's group that I would stretch everyday and I'm about 97% in integrity with that.
4. I'm beginning to learn more about money and how to make it work for me.
5. I am going to Tahoe for 5 days this week!!
6. Almost every day this month I've taken time to lay in the sun on my bed.
7. The Leadership Intensive Training is beginning to help me move through some old, thick barriers.
8. I feel really good about all the work I have been doing for the Rhythm Society lately.
9. I knocked off just about everything on a 6-month old To Do list this month.
10. I am physically stronger than I have ever been in my life thanks to a regular work-out schedule.
11. I am still very much in love with who I am even if I struggle periodically with liking my baggage.

bonus:
12. I am done with making silly lists for now.

2006

i have big intentions for this year. this is the year that i take away layers upon layers of restriction ... in thoughts, in actions, in dreams ...

i feel so excited for who i am, full of love for myself and am going to set a course for more freedom and liberation from all the ways that i hold myself back and cloud my belief in myself. it's scary too. it feels like a big risk, but the fact of the matter is, it's more of a risk to hold myself back, to keep myself from even dreaming of what i want.

that's a relatively foreign concept to me ... what i want. i'm looking forward to learning more about that and being willing to make difficult choices to support that.

i feel like it's already begun. the testing of my will. the first two days of 2006 have not been easy, they have been emotionally chaotic. and it's gratifying to know that my willingness to stay open to it all and experience it ... to resist shutting down and closing off ... has enabled openings that were unexpected.

i have so much to be thankful for ... the people in my life who inspire me and teach me, the choices i have made to seek more out of life, the fear i have faced to experience all of the dimensions of love ...

i'm excited and i'm scared ... and i'm willing to take it all on as best i can ... with experience as the goal and life as the reward.

to begin ... i'm going to take a nice hot shower!

kaya

i found out this morning that kaya, one of my favorite dogs in the world, has passed on.

she's been sick since this summer and was finally diagnosed with cancer this fall. after treatment failed to help, she was put to sleep on december 26. i understand that in the days before, she enjoyed many a meal of turkey, bacon, peanut butter, chicken and tuna ... what every dog deserves.

my heart is so heavy. i will miss her so much.

kaya ... i hope that wherever you are now, you have beaches and fields filled with fun things to chase and big comfy warm places to sleep and mounds of people food to eat.

i love you you little shedding ball of slobber.