This morning, as I was standing at the end of the X-ray machine at LAX with my pants falling down waiting to retrieve my shoes and belt, the airport security guy asked if he could inspect my bag. "Of course," I say.
"What's this?"
"That's a drum key"
"What's it do?"
"It's a tool for tightening drum heads"
"And I know this is an allen wrench"
"Yup"
"You can't bring that on the plane"
"Why?"
"Because there are no tools allowed on the plane"
"Can I bring the drum key?"
"Yes"
"Well, that's a tool ... what's the difference?"
(pause)
"Sir, you can't bring the allen wrench on the plane. Would you like to check it?"
"That's ridiculous"
"If you'd like to check your bag, you can keep the tool"
"I don't want to check my bag"
"Well, if you want to keep the tool, you have to check your bag"
"That tool was in my bag when I flew down here"
"Well, they must have missed it"
"... whatever ... Have you ever flown on a plane?"
"Yes, why?"
"How is that possible?"
"Sir?"
"Well, because you're a tool"
...
Actually, what I said was, "Nothing, keep the tool," but they got the picture.
Airport security has become ludicrous. I can show you 10 ways a ball point pen is more dangerous than an Allen wrench. And did you know that you can bring ammunition on the plane in your bag, but not a brand new zippo lighter that has never been filled with lighter fluid? Surely, there's a better way we can be spending our money than to make sure allen wrenches don't make it onto our airlines. I give up.
Might I also suggest not timing your return to the Oakland Airport Bart station right when several thousand Oakland A's fans are getting out of the colliseum.
Do I sound bitter?
No, just tired. I actually had a great time at the SIOP Conference, but I'll have to write about that later. It was nice to be immersed in my field for a few days and still have time to hang out with friends. I'll update you soon on what I've been learning about my career path and all the other fun things I did in LA. Now I have to get back to the reality known as homework ... which isn't so bad seen from the perspective of where it will take me.
3 comments:
when i came back from dc, i was stopped before i even got to security by a security person with an axe to grind. she told me i could only take one bag on the plane - i had my laptop in my backpack and a small case that fits in an overhead compartment. i tried to explain that each passenger is allowed to take two bags onto the plane - to no avail. she ended up sending me back to the counter to check my bag. the people at the check-in desk were astonished because, as i had tried to point out, passengers are actually allowed to take two bags on a plane. duh. as i sat at the gate, i watched passengers arrive with three bags each.
but me? i'm not bitter either.
fucking security ... mumble mumble...
I say it's ridiculous to limit things you can bring to anything beyond guns and knives and bombs (you, know obvious bad guy stuff). That's just common sense. Going to these extreme and absurd lengths is somehwere between rational and treating a plane like it's carrying prison inmates. Andn even prison inmates with NOTHING to use as a weapon figure out a way somehow. Admit defeat and focus on intelligence.
GRARGH!
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