from Martha

In this Holiday season, I think it's best that we hear from our beloved Martha Stewart ... serving time for what so many have done and are doing. She, however, got caught.

Martha ... what do you have to share?

And maybe, just maybe, I actually got the html link code right this time!!??

Update:
Nope, I didn't get it right the first time! Last time I forgot the (") and this time I forgot the (=). Third times the charm right?

HTML is such a dirty little language!

Reflections and Projections

So, I've been thinking … yes, this is something I can do now that my semester is over … what is 2005 going to be about?

Some things were stirred up in my men's group the other night … some thoughts now whirling around in my head about lessons learned in 2004 and the things I want to create in 2005.

All in all, I feel pretty great. I look back at this year and have nothing to complain about. I think I carried myself more wholly than ever before. I made a lot of what I wanted to happen, happen:

I ended a long-term relationship with style and grace.
I developed new, loving friendships.
I got accepted into school and did a kick-ass job my first semester.
I intentionally built cohesion and unity among my classmates.
I began visioning and preparing for the home that will meet all my needs.
I created the job situation I wanted while in school.
I embarked on many adventures of the body, mind and spirit.
I challenged myself emotionally, physically and mentally.
I grew.
I accepted my faults and failures.
I stood up for myself when it counted most.
I loved.
I danced.
I stuck to the path that I laid before myself … the path that I wanted for myself.
I healed myself.
I loved myself.

So what's in store for ‘05?

Well, there are a number of things I want.

I am going to live more freely - less inhibited, less self-limited.
I am going to create possibility for myself to have what I want and help others have what they want.
I am going to take care of my friends, family and the planet as best I can.
I am going to continue to kick-ass in school and pave the way for the career that will allow me to help others create the change they want.
I am going to love, laugh and live deeply.
I am going to break down more walls.
I am going to speak more effectively and act more fluidly.
I am going my body to be in the best shape of my life.
I am going to sink into deeper relationships with those I love.
I am going to drum again.
I am going to stop obsessing about money and stop worrying about not having enough.
I am going to heal people.
I am going to lead people.
I am going to bring people together.

And I think all that just scratches the surface.

This year is about stepping into my greatness and laying the tracks for what I want in my life .... living in possibility and with less self-limitation ... enjoying the greater gifts in life and worrying less about the day-to-day details.

I'm trusting you to help keep me on target.

New philosophy

It's been awhile since I've posted. School whipped me into shape this year and I've been taking it easy for the past week since I've been done for the semester. It feels so good to not have to do homework everyday. Next semester is going to be even more time consuming!

But before all that happens, I'll be celebrating Xmas eve with a horde of friends, going to Harbin Hot Springs for three days/two nights, going to visit family in Florida for four days and then Costa Rica for two weeks!

I've earned it. Though I can't really afford it. Oh well. I'm alive and life is for livin'. That's my new philosophy. My next post will explain more.

gold medal!

ooh, i am so good at procrastinating, I deserve a gold medal!

in my efforts to avoid more stats review, i found this website that has the skeletal structures of cartoon characters!

Betty Boop is particularly scary.

I was thinking, "Hey, where's SpongeBob?" and then i remembered SpongeBob is a sponge and doesn't have a skeleton. Silly me.

I think my body is falling apart. My right thumb hurts at the middle joint and I didn't do anything to it. I don't think it's Arthritis (at least I *really* hope it isn't) and yet I have no idea what it could be. I made a Dr.'s appointment to get it checked out.

I am so good at thinking up worst case scenarios though. I swear, this minor thumb pain has become, in my mind, not just some current pain in my thumb, but rather a soon-to-be total agonizing disability such that my whole hand will be in pain and unusable. Do other people do this or am I just a freak? Why can't i just see it for what it is and not worry about all these worst-case fabrications my mind makes up?

I've literally been depressed the past two days thinking about how bad my condition could become. It's so easy for me to go to that space, too. I think it's a control issue (i.e. if I figure out the worst thing that could happen and prepare myself for it, I'll be okay). But really, I only make things worse - namely my mood and mental well-being - by spending my time thinking about this stuff. But I don't know how to stop.

I think I deserve a gold medal in procrastination as well as worrying. Maybe if I could figure out how the worrying really serves me I can do something to get rid of it. I really don't like it, but it seems so ingrained.

I just don't want to be in pain anymore. It seems like there is always something hurting ... my thumb, my arm, my stomach ... do I create this situation somehow? Do I manifest physical pain b/c I think I should always be in pain for some reason? Is this just self-fulfilling prophecy stuff? Do I have control over this?

I wish I knew.

I've been trying some healing techniques these past few days. Focusing my energy on the areas that hurt and just sitting with those areas attempting to bring health and relief to those areas. I wonder if that only works if you believe 100% that it will? Maybe it works and just takes time? You certainly hear stories about people ridding themselves of cancer in miraculous ways like this. Can't I create a pain-free life in that same way?

I'll let you know.

the hazzards of blogging at work

watch out people.
you don't want to get fired for blogging at work.
or do you?

see?

of course, i'm writing this at work - so i'm either mad, careless or all-powerful.

i'm gonna stick with 'all-powerful'.

sorry for the lack of any real content lately ... i'll write more after school is finished in a couple weeks. i am really looking forward to it being over.

i'm exhausted.

crackers

okay, so maybe this isn't a new challenge, but i don't think i heard of it before today and it made my week.

this morning i was in the lab at school with my friend sara. i'm eating some saltines because my stomach is still a little off-kilter from the food poisoning last week.

sara then challenges me to eat 6 saltines in under 1 minute.
i say, "piece of cake ... but I just had a bunch, so i'll do it later after class"

i then sit there thinking, this probably isn't very possible and maybe i've taken a challenge i can't win.

moments later, Pooja walks in, looking to borrow a chair.

i say, "you can have a chair on one condition ... you have to eat 6 crackers in under a minute"

Pooja says, "ok!" (this is why i love Pooja)

the clock starts and Pooja starts stuffing crackers in her mouth and chomping away. she gets to about 3 crackers in 30 seconds and sara and i are laughing so hard at the expression on her face that she starts laughing too. next thing we know, there's cracker bits flying out of her mouth all over the lab, in her hair, in sara's hair, all over the chair she was going to borrow and i'm almost on the floor i'm laughing so hard.

and yet ... she keeps going and stuffs more crackers in her mouth until finally she's laughing so hard, crackers are coming our her eyes and she's spitting cracker bits in the trash to be able to breathe again.

just then, my advisor walks by and i say, "oh, we have to get him in on this".

pooja runs out to tell him we have a challenge for him and he comes in with this big smile and says "Alright, whattya got for me?". Now Chris is a big guy, 6'3" and sort of a football player build. we explain the challenge and he says what i said, "piece of cake!" he looks excited and very, very confident.

when he starts, he has the look of zen concentration on his face and the first cracker goes in and down in less than 10 seconds. i look at sara and we're both thinking he's going to do it.

but we neglected to realize the cumulative effect of the cracker and by 45 seconds, he has the remaining 5 crackers in his mouth chewing furiously to get them down, and we, of course are now laughing our asses off as he's chewing and trying to explain the improbability of moving the mass of cracker out of his mouth and into his stomach in the next 15 seconds.

at the minute mark, he's still got this huge glob of cracker goo in his mouth and he's chewing with a look on his face that shows both the spoils of defeat and pure wonder as to how he is ever going to finish chewing all that cracker goo.

in the end, it took him an one minute, 48 seconds and a big gulp of water to get it all down.

he thought his wife would love to find out how he spent his morning.

i don't think i've laughed so hard in ages. there's still bits of cracker all over the lab and since the school doesn't clean very often, I think they'll be there for awhile.

if you ever have some spare time and some saltines ... i dare you to eat 6 in under a minute. i double-dog dare you!

kimonos

as i was walking on campus today i over heard two guys talking behind me.

G1: It's just not fair!
G2: What?
G1: Well, if a girl wears a kimono, she's all hot and sexy. If I wear a Kimono, I look stupid.
G2: What!?
G1: It's just not fair is all I'm sayin'.



True 'dat, my friend. True 'dat.