Friday, December 03, 2004

crackers

okay, so maybe this isn't a new challenge, but i don't think i heard of it before today and it made my week.

this morning i was in the lab at school with my friend sara. i'm eating some saltines because my stomach is still a little off-kilter from the food poisoning last week.

sara then challenges me to eat 6 saltines in under 1 minute.
i say, "piece of cake ... but I just had a bunch, so i'll do it later after class"

i then sit there thinking, this probably isn't very possible and maybe i've taken a challenge i can't win.

moments later, Pooja walks in, looking to borrow a chair.

i say, "you can have a chair on one condition ... you have to eat 6 crackers in under a minute"

Pooja says, "ok!" (this is why i love Pooja)

the clock starts and Pooja starts stuffing crackers in her mouth and chomping away. she gets to about 3 crackers in 30 seconds and sara and i are laughing so hard at the expression on her face that she starts laughing too. next thing we know, there's cracker bits flying out of her mouth all over the lab, in her hair, in sara's hair, all over the chair she was going to borrow and i'm almost on the floor i'm laughing so hard.

and yet ... she keeps going and stuffs more crackers in her mouth until finally she's laughing so hard, crackers are coming our her eyes and she's spitting cracker bits in the trash to be able to breathe again.

just then, my advisor walks by and i say, "oh, we have to get him in on this".

pooja runs out to tell him we have a challenge for him and he comes in with this big smile and says "Alright, whattya got for me?". Now Chris is a big guy, 6'3" and sort of a football player build. we explain the challenge and he says what i said, "piece of cake!" he looks excited and very, very confident.

when he starts, he has the look of zen concentration on his face and the first cracker goes in and down in less than 10 seconds. i look at sara and we're both thinking he's going to do it.

but we neglected to realize the cumulative effect of the cracker and by 45 seconds, he has the remaining 5 crackers in his mouth chewing furiously to get them down, and we, of course are now laughing our asses off as he's chewing and trying to explain the improbability of moving the mass of cracker out of his mouth and into his stomach in the next 15 seconds.

at the minute mark, he's still got this huge glob of cracker goo in his mouth and he's chewing with a look on his face that shows both the spoils of defeat and pure wonder as to how he is ever going to finish chewing all that cracker goo.

in the end, it took him an one minute, 48 seconds and a big gulp of water to get it all down.

he thought his wife would love to find out how he spent his morning.

i don't think i've laughed so hard in ages. there's still bits of cracker all over the lab and since the school doesn't clean very often, I think they'll be there for awhile.

if you ever have some spare time and some saltines ... i dare you to eat 6 in under a minute. i double-dog dare you!

1 comment:

juli claire said...

i think this is a service to humanity, this idea you've given the world - i'm laughing already. just have to remember it when the right moment comes. don't have any saltines around just now...just figgy pudding i made for the holiday party at work. but it's a little too gooey for any contests.