wind rattles the windows

the wind rattles the windows as the severed cord outside my window taps against the glass. what happens in the absence of distraction? i have become a master of it. something calls me to unplug, settle, be ... and i am drawn back in to a web of uselessness and disguise. putting time, energy, focus on the banal. tuning in and then tuning out. time better spent would be ... what?

i spent time at the ocean today. the ever-present movement, sound, breeze, allows me to be more still. there are two paths: discovery or complacency. i walk both. one foot in each track. resigned and fighting it all the way. all i need now are flip-flops to complete the picture. do you want the red pill or the blue?








i seek truth. i seek my unobstructed path, but the nature of life is that it is obstructed. that is truth.

someone said recently that life is just a series of well-managed mistakes. in one sense i agree, in another sense i think it's ridiculous. the word mistake assumes that there was a right way. that's exactly the duality that i attempt to unlearn ... right/wrong, black/white, good/bad. i often see life as choosing one thing or another ... not both. so why not both?

i think the greatest struggle is how we try to bring union to the physical and the metaphysical. in the greater reality, they are one and the same. yet, our minds are limited and cannot truly comprehend that which is outside ourselves. experiencing it is one thing, making sense of it is a fun, but ultimately futile endeavor.

so as i sit pondering the task i have at hand for LIT - to choose a project that, over the next 6 months, will unleash my leadership, serve my values, and manifest some shift in possibility - i wonder which game to play and how i can play both. game one is simply to put all energy into depth, understanding, silence, stillness, connection, peace, harmony, balance, truth, god. game two is to be here now and play, forget understanding, have fun, do things, engage, bounce around, ricochet, act and react.

am i being obtuse? probably. why not?

i see two avenues that really are one, but feel like two. i want to engage in both. i want to live in the parameters of daily life as it is decreed by experience and never let go of knowing that there is so much more outside my linear existance.

aw, fuck it. i'm even confusing myself. i know what i mean, and words are just getting in the way of that.

to sum it all up: i need a haircut.