ooh, i am so good at procrastinating, I deserve a gold medal!
in my efforts to avoid more stats review, i found this website that has the skeletal structures of cartoon characters!
Betty Boop is particularly scary.
I was thinking, "Hey, where's SpongeBob?" and then i remembered SpongeBob is a sponge and doesn't have a skeleton. Silly me.
I think my body is falling apart. My right thumb hurts at the middle joint and I didn't do anything to it. I don't think it's Arthritis (at least I *really* hope it isn't) and yet I have no idea what it could be. I made a Dr.'s appointment to get it checked out.
I am so good at thinking up worst case scenarios though. I swear, this minor thumb pain has become, in my mind, not just some current pain in my thumb, but rather a soon-to-be total agonizing disability such that my whole hand will be in pain and unusable. Do other people do this or am I just a freak? Why can't i just see it for what it is and not worry about all these worst-case fabrications my mind makes up?
I've literally been depressed the past two days thinking about how bad my condition could become. It's so easy for me to go to that space, too. I think it's a control issue (i.e. if I figure out the worst thing that could happen and prepare myself for it, I'll be okay). But really, I only make things worse - namely my mood and mental well-being - by spending my time thinking about this stuff. But I don't know how to stop.
I think I deserve a gold medal in procrastination as well as worrying. Maybe if I could figure out how the worrying really serves me I can do something to get rid of it. I really don't like it, but it seems so ingrained.
I just don't want to be in pain anymore. It seems like there is always something hurting ... my thumb, my arm, my stomach ... do I create this situation somehow? Do I manifest physical pain b/c I think I should always be in pain for some reason? Is this just self-fulfilling prophecy stuff? Do I have control over this?
I wish I knew.
I've been trying some healing techniques these past few days. Focusing my energy on the areas that hurt and just sitting with those areas attempting to bring health and relief to those areas. I wonder if that only works if you believe 100% that it will? Maybe it works and just takes time? You certainly hear stories about people ridding themselves of cancer in miraculous ways like this. Can't I create a pain-free life in that same way?
I'll let you know.
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2 comments:
you obviously need to spend more time looking at porn.
i don't have answers, but i can tell you that you are definitely NOT alone! i can think of about 5 people right now including myself who go through the same physical pain quandries. i haven't really studied myself when i do this, but my sense is that when things like that occur, they go away when i kinda give up worrying about them cause i'm at my wit's end. then all of a sudden i say, "oh, didn't i used to have that thing in my toe?"
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