a collection of thoughts; part 3

context of being:
it occurred to me many weeks ago the confinement of my own thoughts. i had been thinking about what it would be like to pack up all my stuff and/or sell most of it and then go live somewhere else and do something unrelated to who i've been in the past 33 years ... like, move to india and work as a hotel busboy or to open a small market in senegal. something radically different. the eruption of thoughts that ensued enabled me to see the rigid context i have been living in with regards to what's possible for me. it's refreshing to open up those restraints and see the much wider scope of possibility and recognize that those alternate lives do not happen because i am not choosing them rather than them not being possible.

it's beginning to feel like i am slowly reinvigorating creativity, openness, innocence and moving away from a set context of being. it's like my life has been moving in pre-set tracks that i willingly have followed and am once again recognizing that those tracks are imaginary and there are an infinite number of tracks to choose from. my all-too-linearly-developed mind had forgotten that.

maine day three (a take-home message):
seatbelts are wonderful. wear them. and get insurance while you're at it (health, dental, renters). i don't want to condone living in a fear mentality, but more so a 'prepared' mentality. hopefully you can say on your death bed, "well, that was a waste of money, i never needed any of my insurances!". trust me on this. we visited kevin's dad in the hospital today. he is one lucky muther. in talking with doctors around the country, he should be dead or paralyzed ... he's one of the lucky ones and we still don't know to what extent he will recover.

back to seatbelts ... have you ever seen someone in a halo? you know, the contraptions that keep your neck immobilized by screwing 6 screws into your skull and attaching it to your torso? it doesn't look pleasant. fortunately bill is one bad-ass man and is handling it fairly well. oh, and then there's the drugs. they help too.

job hunt:
the consulting firm i did some consulting with has a job opening in the department i want to work for. the job is a step below where i would want to be, but i could do the job well and it is customarily used as a stepping stone to being an organizational consultant. i'm thinking about taking it (not that it's been offered yet, but i know they'll want me (i'm more than qualified, they know i do great work and am interested in more). there's a lot of perks like good insurance and it's IN SAN FRANCISCO! that is a HUGE thing for me. i really don't want to commute to palo alto or freemont everyday ... and if it sucks, i can always get out. it beats being at the CPUC right now and i really like the people at the firm. so there are a lot of reasons to take it. reasons against: it's not a dream job ... but then, i don't know what is right now, so why not do something i enjoy and am good at, make some decent money and get a taste for the business?? things to think about: am i selling out and taking an easy route as opposed to waiting to find something that has a bigger "YES" attached to it. i'll apply and continue to think about it. right now the thought of having a decent job sounds great and like a good first step. there's something to be said for the way it kind of fell into my lap as well ... based on some work i did for them and then an online discussion with the hiring manager about maine (not knowing she was the hiring manager at the time). i'll keep you posted.