goin' to maine

on thursday i'm flying to maine to be with my friends k&k. i'm really looking forward to it. not just because i get to see them, play with 'r' and meet the new one, but because i get to help them.

[tangent]
i noticed recently that there is a part of me that feels bad admitting that i like to help people. the question is often asked, "do you think people need help?" and it's pretty much always asked in an hidden accusatory manner - as if people needing help is a bad thing. at least that's how it feels. i do think people need help ... sometimes. i know i do. i get that people react to being helped when they don't want it/need it because it can make you feel powerless, untrusted, and invaded. but that's not the kind of help i like giving, even if i do it sometimes without thinking. it's a fine line sometimes. and the difference, it seems, is in the intention behind why you help someone. is it because i just want to be helpful and contribute to their life? or is it because i think they can't do what it is they are trying to do or what i think they *should* be doing? the former = yea! the latter = yuk.
[/end tangent]

so k&k just had their second child a few weeks ago. since then, his parents came out to visit and his father suffered a stroke while driving alone, which lead to a car accident in which he broke vertebrae in his upper spine. from what i understand, everything is looking pretty good right now for a full or mostly-full recovery. and it will also be a long road. on top of all this 'k' runs his own business and lives 1.5 hours away from the hospital where his father is. i can't even begin to understand what the emotional overwhelm of their situation feels like. and so i'm heading out there to lend some support, help around the house, play with the kids, etc.

it's been a bit of a challenge to get everything taken care of so i can get out of here for a week. times like this illuminate for me just how complicated my life is with all its little parts. i love it and most of everything that i am doing, but it sure gets to be a lot. i tend to slightly over-commit b/c i like to be busy. i often get a lot more done when my schedule is tight than when i have too much free time ... so i'd almost rather have a lot to do or nothing at all.

my LIT project is flailing a bit. it's that damn indecision i am not comfortable with. it's interesting to notice just how often i try to distract myself from heading into unknown waters. in finding the discipline to sit in one place and brainstorm ideas for the project, i notice how quickly my mind wanders. so tricky, so tricky. i'm curious what it's all about. i'm curious about my lack of enthusiasm for my project - what does that mean? is it resistance or is it just a simple lack of interest in the project itself? hmmm ... certainly some fertile ground to explore.

more on that later ... much to do, much to do ...