stuff and stuff

I feel so behind in my blogging and there's so much to say. I probably won't get to it all right now.

What a week. I've been filled with despair, anger, hopelessness, hopefulness, tenaciousness, determination ... and that's just when trying to figure out what to wear in the morning!

Seriously, I'm worried about the next four years with Bush in office and a conservative republican house and senate. It doesn't look good. I only hope that this wakes more Americans up and that more of us become active in electing a real leader next time. I heard on NPR that only 1 out of 10 people aged 18-24 voted in this election. If that is true, we have a lot of work to do.

I was in a hardware store the night of the election and news was coming in that Bush was ahead. There were lots of people talking and there was an energetic tension in the air. There was a little latino boy about 7 years old tugging on his mom's shirt in front of me. He had just been told that the president would be re-elected and he was exasperated and asking, "Mommy, is that the guy who's going to make us all go to war?". He sounded so scared.

I think I'm also in a bit of denial as I keep thinking, "Four years will go by fast, what can really happen?". I'm just scared to think what really can happen. But ... all we can do is keep on moving and doing what we can to make this country what we want it to be. It's just so hard to imagine how equally split the country is.

Okay, enough about politics. I have other places I can talk and vent about that.

Callahan was here for the past few days. It was great to see him and have a little time to hang out. We had a pot-luck Friday night and it felt great to just laugh and laugh. Madhavi showed up totally unexpected. I had a strange feeling she might and then there she was, walking in the door. I was surprised at how comfortable it felt to have her there, though it's still weird that she is getting married next year. It just doesn't feel like it's been so long since we were together. I can feel the distance emotionally, but when we're in the same room, it's all just so familiar. I guess it's just weird because I never see Madhavi and Zack together and I just don't have reference point to think of her with someone else.

I spoke with my Grandfather tonight for about 20 minutes, That's the longest time we've spent on the phone in a couple years. I find his determination to live very amazing. The man has had two open-heart surgeries (triple bypasses, i believe), plus a whole host of other complications and health issues that come from being an 88 year old person who has smoked almost his entire life. And yet, he's still going. He is certainly suffering a fair amount, and for that I am truly sorry. I wish there was something I could do to help him. His wife died many years ago and since then his vitality has come from the cousins and neighbors children he takes care of. Now, most of them have moved away which leaves him little inspiration. My mom lives with him, taking care of him, which I'm sure is a great comfort. It just goes to show you how strong the human spirit is. His body has taken so much trauma over the years and the body is hurting from that, but the spirit within is still strong and I think he could live to 100 if he wanted to. I just don't know if he wants to. So it was good to talk to him and I hope to have many more conversations in the years to come.

Right now, I'm procrastinating. Or rather ... "taking a break" ... from studying for my midterm in Statistics tomorrow. At this point I think I know everything I need to know, but I can and should be 'overlearning' so I don't have to think about it. Since I am a man of my word and my word is that school is my number one priority ... i will move on to do that now.

Soon I will post more about the more personal discoveries I've been having lately .. and if you're lucky, I'll tell you more about my dating life.

ciao