Day One, Part II

Okay, so it's a little after 10pm and there's not a whole lot to do here. They have satellite TV blasting in the common room and I'm not so interested in TV. I have free internet, so ... what the hell?

It's been interesting for me to embark on this journey. There hasn't been emotional excitement about coming to Costa Rica since I solidified the plans. It's been more about having the time, loving to travel and wanting to take advantage of the opportunity. There's the added bonus of getting out of rainy San Francisco for awhile before school.

But I wonder how much of my resistance is due to fear vs. apathy. I noticed on the plane today the undercurrents of fear. When it comes down to it, I am fearful of discomfort, of being unable to take of myself when in dire need and of needing medical care when none is available. I've worked hard over the years to overcome these fears and most of the time I can push through them, but they tend to always surface when I arrive in unknown situations. I hope that one day I will conquer them completely, but I also wonder if I will always have these fearful tendencies and will only learn to manage them better.

There is a large part of me that wishes I had a travel companion right now. I've been meeting people all night, which is great, but there is something different about having someone *with* you. And at the same time, I wanted to come on this trip alone and will inevitably have some adventures that I wouldn't have if I were travelling with someone. (Plus, the majority of the female travelers thusfar are Hotties!)

Thinking back to last year when Madhavi and I travelled to Belize and Costa Rica, I have to remember that the same fears came up ... and they always went away as well.

I'm not really so worried about the worrying ... I'm just wondering what purpose it is serving me and wondering if it will always be a part of me. Perhaps it's just in my nature. Perhaps it's genetic?

Anyway, the combination of some travel wariness and the less-than-excited drive behind this trip has benefitted me in one way ... no plans! I think I prefer traveling with no plans even if it increases the stress around wondering if I'll find a place to stay in my destination.

I know I'm going to read back over this and think that I'm just being a wuss, but hell, it's my experience and it's obviously not holding me back ... so fuck it.

NOTE: My next entry will inevitably read something like, "What the hell was I talking about ... I love it here and I'm never leaving!"