pie and the art of driving fast

i made a pie last weekend. madhavi came over and re-taught me how to make the crust. she is a piexpert. i had picked a lot of blackberries up at bruinslair a couple weekends ago and froze them in delicious anticipation of gooey pie goodness. and lo, it has come.

i made a an apple-blackberry pie and she made a peach-blackberry pie. we agreed to only eat half of our pies and swap this weekend. i have eaten my half and the other half just sits there calling to me. last night i woke up standing in front of an open refrigerator, the light illuminating my skin with an unnatural yellow glow, staring at the pie. it was saying ... eat me.

oh peach-blackberry, i salivate for thee. sunday will not arrive too soon.

i need to slow down. i've been practicing the art of zen and speeding. you see, i like to drive fast and i consider myself extremely safe as i like to believe that i am ultra-aware when i want to be. and yet, i don't like the often energetic frenzy my body gets in when i feel like i have to get somewhere quickly. so i'm experimenting with keeping my body physiology slow while i drive my vehicle fast. (and for my mom, who sometimes reads this, no ... i'm not driving *dangerously* fast ... i'm just ... efficient!). this means i try and breath slow and sharpen my awareness as i careen across town. it's kinda working. at least i get much less annoyed at other drivers when they are not paying attention or driving ultra-conservatively.

when i sat down i was going to write a more emotionally rich post about feeling more love in my life lately, but now i'm just thinking about pie. so i'll save that for another day.

in other disturbing news, Hanson is coming to Shoreline next month. Why are they still together? Why do they get to play Shoreline and not me? (Well, I actually don't want to play Shoreline, that venue sucks). Do you think I'd get kicked out if I went and heckled them from the front row? I figure no one else is going to be there, I can probably get front row center seats. Okay, just thinking about that gives me the heebies.

great, now i'm going to have dreams about hanson eating my pie and the only way to stop them will be to get all zen and chase them in my car.

(i'm sure that if any genuine zen buddhism practitioners read this, they'll get pissed that i (a) said "get all zen" and (b) pretend like i know anything about the zen tradition (which i don't really - so i'll probably go to the zen version of hell for this)).

grrrrrrrrrr!

it's been a little while since i've posted, a few people have actually asked what's up. wow ... i have a few readers!

mostly i've just been uninspired to write this week and i figure it's better to wait until i have something to say than to write empty words. but then again, empty words often lead to something richer underneath.

i've also had a pretty gnarly flare up of my RSI (repetitive stress injury) in my right arm which means i should stay off the computer as much as possible, though that's difficult since i have to use one at work. it's definitely a concern since i've been dealing with it for over a year now, but i'm in good hands with my doctor and now that i'm in school, i'm actually reducing my time behind a computer by 15-25 hours a week. i just hate when i'm experiencing pain and there's no direct and obvious cause - (unlike a cut or a bruise, i can't wait a couple days and it will go away ... i have to create a larger behavioral change by reducing stress and the wear and tear on my arm(s)).

anyway, i just got back from the Lion King with kendra. i got free tickets from the mac-daddy Mackenzie (okay, she's probably the mac-mommy) because she works there or something (for those of you who don't know her, she was Melody in the movie Groove) and she's pretty rad. Yup, I just said rad.

The show was pretty impressive. I can't say I was totally blown away by the show as a musical piece, but the costumes and scenery and lighting design were just amazing. The sheer creativity with creature puppets and costumes matched with movement was very interesting to dissect AND there was one piece that had, hands-down, the coolest lighting effect i've ever seen on stage.

and nala was pretty hot. she can come sing me to sleep any night of the week. grrrrrrrrr!

we accepted a new roommate for our house tonight. she seems pretty cool - also a grad student and in a program with a good friend of mine. i think it will work out. she really needs a place to call home so she can settle into school and some changes in her life and it feels like we might be able to create an even more "homier" environment here. i'm beginning to like this place. i just need to finish decorating my room.

so, with the exception of physical issues in my right arm and left thumb, everything is dandy. i'm beginning to start thinking about what to do for my winter break and kendra and i talked about maybe travelling together in december. we will also probably start looking for a home with Jill in mid-winter and that would be the bestest.

i think i need to convince rachel to go to belize this winter and invite me again! (rachel, do you read this!?) i mean, what more fun could you have than me, rachel, kendra and (____) in belize ... with coctails ... and snorkels ... on fire ... ???

i could also go to hawai'i or costa rica or the galapagos or south america ... as long as the living is cheap and it is hot and watery ...

okay, enough typing for tonight .. i'll finish some half-written posts from earlier this week soon. and to all my readers ... good night!

but then again ...

you ever look at a word that you've seen a thousand times and it just looks weird and it suddenly doesn't make any sense?

i just did that.

except it wasn't a word i was looking at, it was me ... in the mirror. i just kinda noticed (again) that both my ears are pierced. they've been pierced for so long, i kinda didn't think about it. i play with the earrings all the time and people have made comments about them, so it's not like i don't know they're there.

but i just saw them ... again ... for the first time.

it's happened with my facial hair in the past, my little soul patch with a landing strip. or my runaway drink dribble catcher. i tend to shave it the same way day after day after day ... and once and awhile look up and wonder why the hell i do that.

it's like my grooming has been set on auto-pilot.

i once tried to dry myself off in a new pattern after showering, but it never stuck. everyday it's the same series of drying moves: hair first, then left arm to underarm and down left side, then up chest to left shoulder (repeat on right side), then rest of stomach, followed by left leg - bottom to top, right leg - bottom to top, butt, back - done!

i'm guessing that most people do this and i'm not as big a freak as i think i am. but then again ...

mostly i find myself interested in when and how that particular pattern got set. i must have toweled off different ways as a kid. was this way the most efficient? the most complete? totally random? does chaos theory have anything to do with my grooming?

i suppose this is why i am a psychologist - i'm fascinated with why we do the stupid things we do.
and we do so many stupid things.

sucks for you

i just don't know how i'm going to keep up this week. i thought, before i started school, that i was one busy mo-fo. and i was. it's just that the after-work business was important, but didn't take on the same weight as school does. and my current awareness of "work load" has less to do with the amount of work i have to do, rather the time it takes up in my life. i'm just kinda tired already.

i think it's the excessive reading. reading tires me out. i'd rather be 'doing' things and i actually look forward to statistics homework for that reason.

i'm still excited about school, though. it's my job that is wearing me out. i have two HUGE meetings to prepare for which should take all of my 17.5 hours a week there, but on top of that i have to train not one, but TWO people. when the hell am i supposed to have time to do that??

end bitch session.

things that made me very happy today:

1. i fixed my computer thanks to my friend rrrus! (it was very easy)

2. my books from half.com showed up today so i can return my over-priced textbooks

3. work peeps got me a birthday cake for my birthday on sunday (mmmmm, cake!)

4. i didn't get busted for not finishing my homework due today b/c we didn't even get close to covering the reading

5. i ate annie's mac & cheese for dinner


things that made me very sad today

1. $35 parking ticket. stupid, stupid, stupid. i shake my fist at you, oh parking clerk!

2. waking up at 6:15 to do homework

3. the smell of my armpits midday

4. realizing just how much pressure is on me at work

5. not getting through to my dad's house (again!) so that i can wish my baby half-sister a happy belated 4th birthday!


that's it. that's all i have for you today. sometimes when i look at other blogs, i think .. wow, these people have so much to say ... so many interesting articles they've found .. so many political commentaries to give forth ... so many people to make fun of ... and then i realize they are all bored at work and i'm glad i'm not bored at work anymore ...

though i do wish i had more interesting things to report to you.

oh well, sucks for you!

everything but the monkey

just back from bruinslair ... i am such a lucky, lucky guy. that place is awesome and it feels great to have had such a hand in putting it all together. so many people don't get to experience such a place. what did i do right to deserve that?

there was a small crew this weekend, just 10 of us. me, and the ladies. swimming, hiking, napping, picking blackberries, drinking, sauna-ing, yoga-ing, campfire-ing and la-la-la-ing. the weather was perfect, the food was delish, and a good time was had by all.

i even got homework done - gasp!

of course, this all turned to shit as we drove back behind the RV-doofi (i think that's the plural form of doofus) of the world. why don't these people pull the fuck over when they know very well there are 30 cars behind them on the road? that's why they created turnouts in the first place!

and then i get home and my computer is all messed up. i'm booted off my external drive right now so i can type this very entry and to make sure the homework i did on friday was recoverable (which it is, thank god), but it still doesn't explain what i did to ruin my start up disk. i hate being ignorant about computer sys admin stuff. i mean, i can usually figure programs out pretty easily, but it's all the back door stuff that i just don't know anything about. i guess i'm not your back door man.

i say things like that and then remember that i think my family reads this stuff once and awhile. hi mom!

nothing could be more lewd than what came out of mouths this weekend though. i won't even go there.

and what's with the 90-degree weather in san francisco?? i was looking forward to coming home to a nice cold blanket of fog, but ... no ... it's a freakin' heat wave. must be "earthquake weather" ... which is what they call any weather abnormality in SF.

oh! i have a new blog reader .. welcome sonia! i came back from the weekend and actually had comments from, like, 4 people. 3 of whom i didn't know read my blog. just shows to go ya.

and i follow up this exciting news with another blatantly boring post. but, i'm tired - there was a giant beast outside my tent last night that kept me awake. i think it was a sasquatch. or a raccoon. a giant, man-eating raccoon. one or the other. i fought it off with my super snoring power quakes, though.

now i just have to convince madhavi to come and re-teach me how to make a pie crust so i can make a pie with all my hand-picked blackberries. i offered her half the pie in exchange. that's fair, i think ... even if it is my birthday next sunday and she should just show me out of the kindness of her heart (okay, i just wrote that in case she reads this).

anyway, i need to go back to sulking over the fact that my computer doesn't work right and that i have purple stains all over my hands.

i will write again soon, hopefully with a working computer and a piece of pie. mmmmm, pie.

next blog

okay, next blog is pretty cool. i've found a few interesting blogs to read while surfing around.

BUT ... if i sEe 1 moor blog that IS wriTTen likz thiz, I'm gunna KiLl Sum1.
wHAT is tHe FASTinATION with uncorrect grammer and heLLA missspellinggs?

some1 pleez esplain. i dont getit.

l33t - and what the hell does that mean? Loot? Leet? I'm a dumbass?

okay, i feel a little better now.

l8tr.

mmmm! snake snot

the first week of grad school has been unsettling at best. varying from the highs of being back in school to the lows of the reality of how much of my current life i have to give up in order to succeed and excel in school. at least half of the professors have done their best to scare the bejeezus into us (or out of us) about how kick-ass we're going to have to be to be able to get by and play with the big kids when we get out of school.

i feel pretty ready to do the work. already i've had my head buried in books for the past week and have gotten ahead in a couple of classes. what i am not ready for is the surgical removal of my community and social life. i feel very isolated right now and i haven't spend a lot of time with friends in the past several weeks. i miss people and i wonder how i'm ever going to be able to date. this was supposed to be the time when i broke out of my shell a bit and explored my self in non-committed relationships.

how can i date if i don't have time to meet anyone??

i feel somewhat confident that i haven't sentenced myself to two years of singledom, but right now it's looking pretty bleak. on the other hand, i really like spending time with myself, so it could be worse. if my life follows any pattern at all, i'll fall in love again in february. i seem to have three year relationships followed by a year off. that cycle has been true 2.5 times, so who's to say that it won't happen again.

i TRULY hope that some tentative ideas to live with Jill and Kendra in the spring work out, because they just KICK some serious ASS. a household of we three would be pretty unbelievably great.

in other news, at least i don't have a snake coming out my nose:
http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/040902/481/mas10109021528&e=1&ncid=1756

whatever you do, don't click on "next picture".

okay, this is a vey boring post ... i'm off to bake some cookies for bruinslair.