unbound

A few more thoughts as I explore these new insights

First of all, I feel much better as of yesterday and today. I am sleeping more and eating more, which is a good sign. I also have a more positive outlook on MYself and my future. I am still feeling this low-grade emotional drain, feeling low, etc., but it is far from the crippled state I’ve been in for awhile. One way to describe it is I’ve been feeling heavy and am getting lighter.

My head is becoming more and more clear. My heart is becoming more and more clear. And I am very excited about exploring this boundary work.

In reading some information on boundaries, a few things stuck out to me:

“Being able to sense others’ moods is helpful in relationships, but always being what someone else wants you to be (the guy who will do anything for his woman) is a form of dishonesty which prevents real intimacy. No one can be intimate with someone who doesn’t know what s/he feels, wants, likes or dislikes, or who can’t be honest about it, even though such dishonesty developed as a survivor skill.”

(this tends to be my pattern ... giving up what i want for my lover/partner/etc.)

Active listening:
“As you identify the other person’s feeling (confirming the boundary) they feel heard and supported and you get practice in healthy boundaries.” (paying attention to this will enable me to hear what others have to say without taking them in as mine and/or true)

I have a bunch more reading and thinking to do about all this. I'm enjoying the beginning. It’s even interesting to take note of where, in my language, I’ve developed a style of speaking that weakens my boundaries.

Support:
I have to thank a lot of people right now for support in all this. I’ve received a lot of valuable feedback from friends including the men in my men’s group.

I’ve been making myself wrong about some things and that is not okay. Clear boundaries will help me with this.

The overwhelming message is: “Stop beating yourself up about all this.”

It’s been challenging to get so much feedback from so many people. It’s interesting to note that no one has said, “Dude, get out of that situation.” I appreciate that people are not offering any absolutes. It feels good to be getting open, grounded insight.

It also feels good to have reached out to people. That was a little challenging. I’ve gotten better at this over the years. I still notice where I throw hooks out there hoping to reel people in instead of just saying “I need something from you.” Sometimes it’s hard to see like trying to look at the inside of your eyeballs.

Okay, back to work I go. Feeling better. Feeling stronger. Feeling more me again.