Sunday, October 10, 2004

engaging

Been a strange weekend.

First, the news. I got a call from Madhavi this morning (for those of you who don’t know, that’s my ex-girlfriend … we split up in January. She’s been with Zack since shortly after that time and recently, they moved in together. There’s a lot more to the story, some of which you can read about in earlier entries in my blog).

Anyway … they got engaged yesterday. I’m shocked at the timing. I figured it would happen eventually, but not this soon. In many ways, I’m very happy for them both. I really am. I also have to trust that this is the right decision for her … my protective hackles went up a little bit this afternoon. I think what’s strangest for me is that this is the first time that someone I dated seriously for a long time is getting married. And because we were together not that long ago, I think there’s some transferrence in this situation – in other words, it’s made me feel a little like I’m getting married (or as if something is happening to me that I am not ready for). It’s an interesting situation to experience.

Fortunately, it’s not messing with my head or heart. It’s not making me sad or hurt, it’s just weird. I don’t know what to make of it just yet. I’m thankful that when I think of them together, it makes me happy. I’ve always wanted the best for her and if this is what she wants, then I support it 100%.

In other news, I found this out on the way back from a date. A date with a woman who wrote to me on Nerve.com. I liked her. We took her dog to the beach and talked for a couple hours. We have a lot in common and it’s a little eerie how much Ginger (her dog) is like Kaya (Madhavi’s dog). It’s hard to say if we’ll go out again or not. I made an invitation, but I couldn’t tell if she was into it or not. What feels good is my near total lack of dependency on the situation. If she wants to go out again, great! If not, I still had a good time going out with her today and there’s no feeling of loss or let-down involved. When did I become so mature?

I also had a date with someone on Friday night. This, too, was a lot of fun. We’ll probably hang out again, though I don’t know if it will ever be anything more than spending time together once and awhile. She’s an existing friend, so even if we don’t “date”, we’ll still hang out as time permits.

All that, AND I got a lot of homework done this weekend AND the weather has been absolutely gorgeous.

Fuckin’ great weekend!

1 comment:

juli claire said...

Partly cause I have been living in the context of my own fragility for a while now - arguably most of my life, actually, but I won't get into that - this is especially heartening. I find myself relieved and happy for you and impressed by your maturity (yeah, when did you get so mature, or actually, how?).