16 days

I only have 16 work days left and then I go on vacation!!  Of course, I haven't made any plans yet, but I am fairly certain I'll figure something out soon enough.  I hope. 
 
Wanna go somewhere with me?
 
I'm thinkin' Seattle to visit a couple friends for a few days, a few days up at Bruinslair, maybe a meditation retreat, maybe a drive to a national park I've never been too ... maybe I'll go spelunking.  I've never been spelunking.  maybe I'll go bowlunking: deep cave bowling.  i imagine the echo of a strike would be deafening.
 
Last weekend at Willits was a ker-BLAST!  I had a lot of great conversations, learned how to walk a slack line, did a combat exercise with big padded sticks (and helmets and pads), danced, slept, swam, and drummed.
 
I'll admit it, I'm a drum snob.  I *so* much prefer playing drums with people who know how to play drums.  It allows you to go places.  I mean, teaching and being with people who are learning is great too, but there's nothing like immersing yourself into a small posse of drummers.
 
I also gave a lot of impromtu massages.  The feedback lead me to realize I should re-start my practice - it will help with expenses during school.
 
It was also quite easy to be around Madhavi and Zack.  So much so, it just kinda seemed natural.  My anger has completely evaporated and that is such a relief.  I did feel jealous a few times when I felt like being snuggly with someone and then saw them together, but that didn't last very long and I realize it has nothing to do with either of them.  I look forward to it only becoming easier and more comfortable. 
 
I did run into my stupid 'ole demons again.  Those voices that say I'm not good enough or interesting or attractive or fun ... i socked most of them squarely in the jaw and told them to fuck off.  it worked for the most part. 
 
i guess i'll always have to deal with many of those insecurities.  it's just my relationship to them that will change.  i feel pretty good about my relationship with them right now, though it's annoying to have to deal with them at all.  such an unfortunate game we play.
 
what's interesting is that again and again, when I talk about these things with other people who, to me, seem *so* together .. they usually say, "oh yeah, i deal with that too!"
 
i guess it's just good to remember we're all in the same boat. 
 
who's steering this thing anyway?  can we stop in belize?