One step closer.
I just got home from my men's group. Tonight one of the things I brought up was this year's intention for me and, in doing so, I asked the men for feedback about how they see me in the world. Partially, I was trying to help myself define what it is I'm talking about and partially I wanted to get their opinions on what it means to be a man (vs. a boy or a "guy").
It helped.
I came away with some more ideas to focus on. One of the themes that came up is that this is about being more fully expressed. I'm perceived as someone who has a lot more inside that I don't always offer ... in other words, I hold back. When I am most fully expressed, I feel like a man. So one of my practices for the next couple weeks is to notice when I am holding back on a daily basis and to write that down.
This is similar to one of my Arete practices which was to notice when I wasn't saying things that I wanted to say ... and to say them. I'm doing pretty well with that practice, but this new one isn't limited to verbal expression.
One of the reasons I blog, in fact, is because it is confronting to be so open to an invisible audience - to give of myself for no other reason than to give of myself.
Another aspect of this journey is to develop a deeper sense of trust in myself and that I have something worthwhile to offer others. This is one of those areas that sits comfortably in my mind, but not so well in my heart -- meaning, I know it, but I don't believe it 100%.
These are just two of the things I took away from our conversation tonight. It was a good meeting - I feel pretty damn good about this group of guys. We have gotten to a place where we can push one another out of love and respect and without holding back. We challenge each other with complete support. This is probably the first time in my life (since childhood) I've had such rewarding and healthy relationships with men.
And now, instead of blathering on any more, I'm going to try to accomplish some reading before going to bed to sleep a manly sleep! [grunt]
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1 comment:
Wow! You really have to be brave to do that. You also have to be honnest with yourself. There's a lot of things going through my mind and I definitely don't share them all to everybody. Although, I am not a liar, in fact, I hate lies with a passion, so when someone ask me something that I wish I could lie about, I still tell what I really think, but I try to say it in a way that won't hurt their feelings. But it doesn't mean that I say EVERYTHING there is to say, you know? LOL!
Anyway, I hope that your "project" is enlighting. :-)
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